Sunshiny Scribbles

Revelation/Healing

2012-02-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes something just comes out of nowhere and hits you. When that happens, it can hurt. Thankfully, when it happened to me recently, I felt relieved, and convinced I’d found the answer to a question that was haunting me for months: Why are my vocal cords failing me?

The end of last week, I started thinking about the time I noticed the first signs of irritation, which was all the way back in late 2010. What changed? What did I start doing differently that I hadn’t done the whole rest of my life? I couldn’t think of anything.

Then it hit me. In October 2010, give or take a few weeks, I started drinking coffee almost every single morning. It became a part of my routine.

After this idea popped into my head I started doing tons of research, trying to find an answer or anything to confirm my suspicions that coffee could actually be causing my vocal troubles. At first glance, nothing stuck out, but I eventually found some evidence that suggests coffee can affect your blood vessels and blood pressure in a bad way, among other possible negatives. What if the coffee affected my blood enough to cause the micro hemorrhaging in the tiny blood vessels of my vocal cords, which in turn caused the swelling? I really, truly, honestly believe I’m on to something.

So I stopped cold. I’m not drinking coffee anymore, and already, within the last few days, my throat and vocal cords feel much better. I even sang a few songs the other day without lingering throat pain. Despite all the positives coffee has to offer, maybe, at least for me, it’s something I should be avoiding. I’m drinking water more often, and I’ve found some chamomile tea I enjoy (which takes me back to the wonderful cruise with my best girlfriends).

Note to self, and to every other vocalist out there: Consider the effects before you commit to any daily routine!

My Best Friend's Wedding #2

2012-02-03T18:06:00.001-08:00

I love weddings, and I love them even more when it’s one of my bestfriends in the starring role. A while back, I wrote about one of mybest girlfriends and the start of her journey as a married woman. Now,my other best friend, Tanya, is taking the same step.

I’ve never met anyone else quite like Tanya, and I mean that in thebest, most positive way. We’ve known each other for well over half ourlives now. I remember seeing her on the playground in elementaryschool, but our friendship didn’t start until sixth grade. One of thefirst things I noticed about her is her sense of humor and sarcasm,which I naturally gravitated toward. She is funny and quirky andsmart, and extremely self motivated. She’s always had a plan and allthe tools necessary to execute that plan. She is who she is, anddoesn’t ever apologize for it. I simply love that and have to admit,sometimes envy her for that quality.

The private jokes are countless (we add new ones yearly), and I’ve nodoubt those who witness our crazy antics probably think we’re slightlyinsane, but that’s what gives our friendship such a special and uniquequality. After high school, she headed off to college several statesaway, but that couldn’t sever the ties. We continued to see each otherthrough jobs, relationships, relocating and everything else. Then shemet The Guy, a great guy who upon further examination compliments herperfectly.

I’ve always been proud of her, of everything she’s accomplished sofar, and I’ve been so grateful to have our friendship all these years.She’s one of those people I know I could count on and call at allhours of the day or night. The fun times continue to happen, and I’mso excited for her new life to begin! She excels at everything else,and I’m sure she’ll be excellent at marriage too.

My Favorite Drug

2012-01-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

Every single day, life goes up and down. It takes us everywhere in the blink of an eye and back again, through the chaos and the fun and the fickleness. We think we're happy and minutes later we're totally unsatisfied. We've got all the energy in the world and then moments later we're drained, and not even the biggest cup of coffee has the power to help us.

Everyone has something that can pick them up, something that never fails in that moment of need. It consistently makes things better. It's different for everyone, but for me, there's no doubt that music is the drug. It's like a get-happy-in-an-instant pill. It lifts the weight off. It makes everything else go away.

I don't believe I randomly ended up with this appreciation for music. It's ingrained in me, and I thank God every day for it. I've been through my fair share of dark times, and tried many remedies for them. But nothing works as fast as an excellent melody does. I can only hope every moment in Heaven would sound like the most beautiful aria ever performed. What a wonderful way to live every day!

I'm working on music again, visiting old songs and breathing new life into them. I'm a somewhat selfish musician, writing songs for the sheer joy of it instead of songs the general public might love. I'm taking techniques that are current and putting my own twist on them. I'm including a ton of reverb, because it literally makes my heart smile and my lungs open up bigger than ever when I play it back. And I'm closing my eyes and swaying back and forth, tapping my foot and traveling someplace else. If anyone saw me, I'm sure I'd look like a crazy person.

But this is me in excellent shape. This is me doing what I love and looking forward to the day in the not-so-distant future when I can share my collection of work with everyone. This is me getting my fix, and it's an addiction I won't ever give up.

Taking Back The Yellow

2012-01-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Every time this part of the year rolls around, a little light starts flickering. It's that feeling of joy that dares to peek its head out from under the rock. We're on the upswing and daylight is getting longer and the craziness of the season has quieted. It's the calm before the sunshiny storm and I can't help but feel inspired.

I pulled my Universe book out from under the coffee table recently, and I've been going back to it almost every night for the past few days. In it, the reader takes a journey all the way from Earth to the farthest reaches of the Universe that are possible to photograph with the most powerful telescopes known to man. And it boggles my mind every time. I look at the photographs, read about the approximate distances and sizes of these beautiful bright and shiny things and the power they emit and the temperatures they exist in, and I'm in awe. What a beautiful, powerful and full-of-life Universe we have.

Maybe that's another reason I'm so inspired. I can't help but marvel at the absolutely wonderful pretty things up there above us (around us, beside us, etc). Say what you will, that it's all a big accident, but I'm sorry, I cannot believe that. I just can't. Space is a canvas, God's playground, with stars being born and exploding and galaxies spinning. And it's so huge we cannot comprehend it. It makes me realize how tiny I am, how insignificant my struggles, worries and problems are and how easy it might be to maintain a little peace in the heart.

Life has been inexplicably tougher lately, but thanks to recent inspirations and adventures into a book about our ever-changing Universe, I feel lighter, ready to take back the happiness and the bright and the hope I crave so much all the time. In another few months, I'll be busting out the yellow from my closet completely. I cannot wait.

Reluctant/Necessary Change

2011-12-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

I’ve written about change before, how constant it is, how necessary itis, and how it can be a good thing. This time, I’m cringing as Iwrite. When you realize a change in how you live everyday isnecessary, it has a tendency to stress you out. I love writing about my likes and loves, music and things that inspire. But writing about something of this nature is new to me.

To give you a little background on the matter, for months now I’ve been fighting a dull but increasingpain in my throat, accompanied by vocal fatigue and a drop in vocalrange. I imagined it was a result of laryngitis or some other illnessthat just didn’t want to let go, but all other symptoms of a cold orvirus stopped and I was left with a voice that couldn’t work at fullcapacity.

You can imagine my frustration with this. Being a singer, I was goingcrazy trying to figure this out. I finally went to an ENT doctor, anddiscovered the source of the problem. It turns out there is (or was,recently) micro hemorrhaging on one of my vocal cords, and some slightswelling. With this realization came relief at first: At least itwasn’t all in my head, and the issues are benign. Immediatelyfollowing was a feeling of dread. Without surgery, how can I fix this,and how long will it take?

Most likely, years of overusing my voice (enthusiastic shouting, laughing, screaming, singing, etc) has been the culprit. I’ve been myown worst enemy. In short, I need to change my vocal habits, and thatmeans I have to constantly be thinking about how I talk, andespecially how I sing. I love to talk, and I don’t have a soft voice.This is going to be one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever had. Music is in my veins, and not singing when I'm listening to songs I love is not something I can easily do.

I've chosen to be optimistic, to look at this as an opportunity to improve and learn something in the process. I will not let this beat me. If it takessix months to get back to full voice, so be it, and so help me, I will soundbetter than ever. In the meantime, I’m picking at the instrumentalarrangements of my songs, and keeping busy. This is just the beginningof something that will be great with a bump in the road. Maybe thatbump will ultimately launch me higher than I’ve been before. Patience will be my best friend for a while.

Keeping Christmas

2011-12-22T18:03:00.000-08:00

Even if you’re not typically cheery or patient, or even if you don’t celebrate the holidays, there’s something about this time of year that creeps into you. It gets into even the biggest scrooge’s heart and transforms ever so slightly. It’s the feeling that makes you want to
give, to contemplate selflessness just a little more and do something good for the world. If only we could hold onto that feeling for the rest of the year.

Some people do it effortlessly, but most of us inevitably fall back into our routines. Maybe it’s all because of the New Year. Right after we’re encouraged to give of ourselves, we’re influenced to focus entirely on ourselves to improve and perfect our lives by making all kinds of resolutions. It’s unfortunate timing.

In an ideal world, we’d all make a resolution to constantly be more focused on the rest of the world around us, and not so concerned about our own lives. Sure, you have to put some thought into yourself, take care of yourself and keep your goals in mind. But what would happen if every single person put someone or something else first more often?

As Christmas rolls toward us so quickly, I’m keeping all this in mind, and hoping I can keep that magical feeling of the season buried deep enough that selfishness can’t grab it and yank it away. Sometimes it’s all about you, but not always. You’ll have your moments, but you can’t always have a moment. Sometimes it’s your time to shine, and other times you should sit quietly on the sidelines.

That said, I’ve got a long list of goals to reach, things I want to accomplish with my music and things that I want to make better in my life. But I’m adding ‘keeping Christmas’ to that list, and I urge everyone to do the same.

The Power of Scent

2011-12-14T16:37:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember, smells have played a crucial role in mymemories, almost as much as music has. There are some smells thatcontinue to evoke childhood events, people and things, which I imaginewill always be the case.

Vanilla makes me think of my sister, who happens to be (or at leastwas, for a long time) a huge vanilla fan. Orange marmalade (anddonuts, for that matter) makes me think of living in England, andhonestly I have no idea why. Freshly cut grass brings to mind theplayground at school. Peaches remind me of my teenage years, snow(yes, it does smell) reminds me of wintertime in Denver, sunscreenmakes me think of almost all the fabulous vacations I’ve taken, andIrish Spring makes my husband pop into my head.

It’s amazing how the brain equates almost everything with a smell, andit’s amazing how some places, regardless of where or how many thereare, all smell the same. Schools are a wonderful example of this. Itmust be the books, paper, backpacks and lockers that make this happen.Despite the amount of different people attending every day, a lot ofschools seem to have that same smell that inevitably makes all of usthink of the good and bad times we had there.

A smell is so important to an identity, which explains ourfascination with fragrances, and our urge to find the perfect scentfor us to wear. This is important not just for people, but for placestoo. Some places naturally smell incredibly appealing, like tropicallocations filled with exotic flowers and fresh breezes. I have tobelieve there’s a reason for that, and I’m sure it has something to dowith our own enjoyment. It’s common practice in real estate forrealtors to use things like freshly baked cookies and flowers in anattempt to entice possible homebuyers, and many public places and even stores try to entice with an inviting smell.

So go on a little adventure and find that scent that speaks to you (if you don't already know). Find the one (or in my case, ones) that excites, inspires and makes you feel comfortable. It's kind of fun rummaging through the racks looking through all the unique bottles, and now, with those fancy displays that tell you what scents are most 'you', it's even more addicting. So go on and brave the shopping crowds, and have fun.

The Power of The Salon Chair

2011-11-26T16:33:00.001-08:00

There's something about going to a hair salon. I for one thoroughly enjoy the anticipation. For weeks, I look forward to the trip, knowing I'll get a wonderful cup of coffee with lots of cream and sugar when I arrive, and also knowing I'll get a fabulous hair refresh. It's not necessarily about doing something drastic, like taking inches off or going from bright blonde to auburn. It's about getting polished. It's also about the neck massage my hairdresser does every time she washes my hair.

My appointments always take a couple hours, thanks to the tweaks in color I always get. But this is part of the fun. As my hair transforms, I go through style magazines and catch up on what I've missed, looking at outrageous fashion and beautiful gowns. I look at enticing photos of gorgeous food, reading the recipes and wondering if I could pull it off.

It's my little bit of relaxing do-nothing time, where I can just kick back for a while and not worry about that frustrating part of that song, all the stuff I have to plan, etc. Hair appointments are literally a break from the world. Sitting in that chair somehow transports you to a place where, when you leave it, you'll be a different (and hopefully, better) you. I love that.

So the next time you go get your hair cut/styled/colored, even if it's just for fifteen minutes, I encourage you to think of that chair as a little transporter, a little magical machine that wants to give you a restart. I also encourage you to go out and do something fun and exciting right after you leave that chair, because it's just so much fun to be out on the town with a brand new head of hair.

Leaves

2011-11-14T18:50:00.001-08:00

As we drove around town during lunch, my husband and I randomlystarted talking about Dan Fogelberg’s music, and how we couldn’tremember the lyrics to “Longer”. We decided to pop on a song or two ofhis and came across “Same Old Lang Syne”. Listening to the song andsinging along, we ended up at the local shopping center. The trees inthe parking lot were decorated with golden lights on the trunks forthe holidays, some of them still holding onto their bright orange andyellow leaves.

As the song came to an end, a strong wind whipped through and suddenlyit was raining leaves. They danced in the air all around the car, andI was suddenly overwhelmed with a peaceful feeling. It was like alittle intermission in our hectic day, a magical moment.

I’ve reflected on magical moments in life before, and no matter howmany come and go, how long or brief they may be, they never cease to amaze me the moment they happen.It’s been a while since life opened up so widely in front of my eyeslike that, where life seemed to make sense and almost nothing outside my vicinity really mattered.It’s just another reason I keep looking up, looking out, and hopingand praying for the best, every day. I’m so thankful for those momentsthat brighten the day.

Thankful: A New Era

2011-11-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

When I sit down to write something for my blog, I'm usually inspired by something deeper. I'm usually inspired to write something that will hopefully move people on a grand scale. But today, I'm writing about something that is entirely focused on my own personal enjoyment, and I'm going to be just a little bit childish about it.

It's the dawn of a new era! I finally have a new computer. Six months ago, I dismantled and recycled my almost-six-year-old machine, because six months before that, it had begun to completely fail. Even before that, I was unable to make music on it. It was a depressing and trying time. The good news is I progressed in other areas of my life, learned a lot and grew a lot, and now I'm ready to dive back in.

I'm not interested so much in new music in my head, but I'm extremely interested in renewing the old music. I've written so many songs over the years, and I'm so anxious to revisit them and rekindle those emotions, to give them new life and meaning. And I don't want to focus on being successful. I just want to have fun. I want to put everything I love about music into the music I create.

There is no feeling that compares to putting every bit of passion into what you love doing, and putting it out there for anyone and everyone to experience. It's the most exhilarating, enlivening, unnerving and freakiest thing ever, and I love every bit of it. I'm still just as big a dreamer as I was at thirteen, and I intend to stay this way. I intend to keep reaching higher than people think I should, to strive for things that don't seem like they make much sense, to take the long way because it's more fun, and to do what I love doing.

I'm so thankful I get to do this again! Thank you to my husband for helping me get this new machine, for encouraging and convincing me to get it, despite the fact that there are so many other things we could have spent the money on that made much more logical sense. He knows (almost better than I do): I will sleep better at night, and I will be even happier if I can let my creative juices run wild. If I'm extremely antisocial for a while, it's only because I'm totally immersed in melody for the next few months.

Keep an ear out for the sunshiny songs a little later.

Nails

2011-11-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

Has anything ever happened to you that really irritated you at first, but then after a while, you realized it might have been a blessing?

The other day, as my husband and I finished our lunch together and he dropped me off to go back to work, I walked past my car and glanced at it, only to find the back right tire almost completely flat. Ugh. You know what I’m talking about. You wonder if it’ll be a simple patch job or if the whole tire needs replacing. With just enough air in my tire to travel down the road, my husband followed behind me to Les Schwab. They were extraordinarily busy, so rather than wait the two hours there, we decided to leave the car and go home until it was ready.

I got a call a while later with a somewhat panic-stricken guy on the other end, telling me I had a bad tire. I said, "yes, of course, that’s why I brought the car in". He repeated himself, saying "no, the front right tire is split and it’s starting to bubble on the inside".

Needless to say, I ended up paying for a brand new tire for the front. As for the back tire, I’d picked up a nail, so at least that was only a patch job. My husband asked to see the old split tire. Looking at it, I suddenly realized why the guy on the phone sounded so concerned: The tire was so bad it could have blown at any moment. I could have been on the freeway, going 60 mph when it happened.

I thought about this as I drove home. If I hadn’t picked up that nail in my other tire, what could have happened, and how bad could it have been?

I feel like I dodged a bullet. That little nail might have just saved me from what could have been a nasty accident. I’m extremely thankful, and even a little glad it happened. It temporarily disrupted my day, but in the end, it was totally worth it. The next time something happens that feels like nothing more than a nuisance, at the end of the day, it just might be the best thing for you.

Stronger (For Real)

2011-10-21T18:35:00.000-07:00

A few months back, I talked about getting real. It's time to continue that series.

After listening to a few tracks from Kelly Clarkson's latest (upcoming) album, "Stronger", I ventured to her website, and a message appeared at the top saying, 'share your story of strength'. It got me thinking about some of the things I've been through, some of the things that tore me down, cleared the board, took away everything but my foundation and allowed me to build up again.

There's one thing that happened years ago that sticks out above most of the rest, and I hate to be so cliche, but it was an ended relationship. The worst part is I saw it coming months before it happened. I could just tell it wasn't going to work, but that didn't make the sting any less when he ended it. Perhaps having those feelings of insecurity and unanswered questions rattling around my brain for so many weeks was what really broke me down, and the email (yes, he broke up via email) was the final nail.

I know. In hindsight, I should have been furious. He didn't even call me, he sent me an email on a Saturday morning. I should have yelled at him, told him he didn't deserve me, etc. But I was completely lost. I wanted so badly to be happy, to hold on, and I let it get the best of me.

Needless to say, it ruined my entire weekend, and then some. I cried hysterically at the drop of a hat. I cried watching football, even. I never thought that would happen. Nothing could console me. My eyes were like miniature fountains. Weeks went by and the wounds slowly started to heal. I wrote a song to help me get through it. I swore I wouldn't date anyone for a long time, and I made a decision to restart my life.

So I left Denver. I left Colorado and moved to the pacific northwest hoping for a fresh start, and I got it. Everything was different, which I loved. I took it all in, glad to be in a new place, living on my own and being responsible. Then of course I met a lovable guy, and I hesitated. I thought I was protecting myself by keeping him and just about everyone else out of the deepest parts of my life. I finally realized I wasn't protecting myself, I was isolating myself, so I opened up.

The journey getting here was rocky with lots of speed bumps and potholes, but the important thing is I'm here. I came out on the other side a little wiser, a little more hopeful, and dare I say it, just a little stronger. If things hadn't gone the way they did, I don't think my life would have brought me here. So for that, in some twisted and weird way, I'm grateful. And you can bet I'm going to finish that song, and I think it'll turn out pretty darn good.

Love Notes

2011-10-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

For years, I denied that I'm a hopeless romantic. I tried to be a tough girl, a girl who can casually date, doesn't care when things aren't peachy keen and takes heartbreaks in stride. But that's so not me.

I finally decided to embrace my love for love, and I haven't looked back. I appreciate the small things, the gestures of loyalty and trust. I love flowers, hand holding, knowing looks, terms of endearment and especially, love notes. In this modern world, there are a variety of ways to send a love note. There's texting (which my husband and I often use to express a simple morning 'hello' and 'love you'), email (a little outdated, but still effective), and my very favorite, the classic handwritten note.

If you think you have to be some poetic genius to write a handwritten love note, you're terribly mistaken. I'd even argue it's the notes that aren't quite so refined that sometimes mean the most, because they're frank and honest. I also think a note doesn't have to include any lines about 'loving until the day I die' to qualify as a love note. Sometimes a one or two sentence reminder ('ran to the store, hugs until I get back', or 'at the gym, can't wait to see you') is just enough to give someone the warm and fuzzies.

Some people say they don't need the romantic stuff, and they'll even cringe when you talk about your own sappy experiences, but I'm sure those very same people will love getting a love note. It proves you took the time and the effort to make sure your loved one knows you're thinking of them. So I encourage you to leave all kinds of notes. I prefer the handwritten ones, but whatever works for you will work wonders! This goes for you too, ladies: The guys like sweet words too, trust me.

Elusive Change

2011-10-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how we pursue change, on almost a daily basis, but in some cases, we can never catch it. We change our clothes, our hair, and many other things about our physical appearance, and while those things inevitably alter our insides to a certain degree, we always retain the basics that make up our unique essence.

When I think about the girl I used to be, when I look at photos with the giddy grin and listen to old tapes with hearty laughter, I sometimes feel a disconnect between that girl and the woman I see in the mirror nowadays. But there are times I look back, and I still feel that same spirit inside my head and my heart. The same dreamy thoughts are there, bouncing around and keeping me from focusing entirely on the task at hand. I still feel insecure sometimes, and unsure about my direction.

Those are the things that define you. The things that run so deep inside your veins make up the person that you're meant to be. No matter how you change your physical appearance or your world around you, what makes you tick probably isn't going to change much. Sure, you can apply yourself if there's something you want to change, but it takes time and a whole lot of (sometimes painful) effort. And the quirks will remain.

I have to remind myself of these things often, because those voices in my head will tell me I'd be so much happier over there instead of here. Even if this is remotely true, the effect is temporary. When I get a drastic haircut, I feel fresher, lighter, sexier, and more powerful. The confidence goes through the roof. But after a couple weeks, I'm bored again, and I'm back to my same old self. Changing yourself requires a lot more than changing your appearance. If I hadn't learned that, I'd probably be bald.

Sometimes the easiest way to change yourself is to stop trying, and focus on things outside your own little world. It's easy to forget how big the world is, how dynamic it is, the crazy and sometimes awful things happening in the world. And sometimes if you go outside, step into a place and apply yourself for the good of someone or something else, you might be surprised what it does to you, and how it can pluck those deepest strings that make you you.

Yellow Chemistry

2011-09-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

It’s pretty obvious to most people, whether they’ve known me for yearsor stumbled across my music last week, that I love the color yellow.It’s mandatory that my websites be sprinkled with it, and I try towear it as often as I can. Wearing yellow in the dead of winter is acontradiction: Fashion experts don’t usually approve, but perhapsyellow is even more needed in cold and dreary months. My love for thecolor isn’t just some marketing ploy, but truly a major part of mycheerfulness and contentment, and in a way, it defines me.

Everybody has a power color whether they realize it or not, and theglowing, energetic inspiration of golden sunshine is mine. I thinksomeone’s favorite color says a lot about them. I’ve always beenfascinated with the person behind the person, underneath the layers ofclothing and carefully planned exteriors. What we surround ourselveswith undoubtedly becomes a part of us, so I purposely fill my lifewith images of sunsets, rolling fields of sunflowers and rays oflight. I feel an incessant need to customize my life as much aspossible, to put my stamp on everything, to leave a positive mark. Ihave to spread the sunshine.

There are things that are hardwired in all of us, things that wegravitate toward. I’ve always been a dreamer, I’ve always been easilydistracted, softhearted, enthusiastic, and unfortunately, I’ve alwayshad a tendency to say some things without thinking. I can be ascomposed as possible and then as excited as a five-year-old. I’m aliving, breathing contradiction. I think we all are in some way.

So I love yellow, the color of happiness and sunshine, cowardice andhesitation. It’s a color that inspires and warns, shocks us, and makesus think of summer and lemons. It means so many things, and I love it.It turns on my brain. It’s my own personal coffee jolt in the morning, and gives me energy when I need it in the late evenings. I don't need to feel the sunshine to feel the warmth in the color. If you looked at my DNA, you'd probably see strands of light in there. What's in your DNA that defines you?

Time to Fall

2011-09-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

It’s almost time to fall. I love this phrase because it could mean so many different things. Falling in love or falling
down, happy and scary moments. But the fall I’m alluding to is the start of autumn.

As the years go by I appreciate autumn more. The brightly colored leaves and holiday atmosphere are a welcome change, though I can’t say I absolutely love the weather patterns the cooler air brings. Nevertheless, there are reasons I look forward to chillier days, and most are fashion oriented.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always thought of summer and winter as the two major seasons, both relatively steady, with spring and autumn being the transitional and more minor seasons filled with changes. Just as the sun disappears behind grey clouds and the trees’ limbs become bare, I swap almost my entire wardrobe, digging in the back of my closet and going through boxes to pull out the heavier coats and sweaters. I start wearing my favorite little black booties and pea coats again, and I have a need for the various scarves I own. And I finally get to change my purse for the season.

Yes, I follow these basic fashion guidelines but not because I’m afraid of breaking a rule. I look forward to these moments to reinvent myself with so much enthusiasm I couldn’t possibly ignore the chance. As much as I love routine, I jump at the chance to mix things up every so often and create a fresh start. It’s the same reason I impulsively cut my hair off, drive to the coast for an afternoon or decide to commit to a major project on a whim.

So get yourself ready for the fall! Change your hair, change your clothes, give yourself something to look forward to and enjoy the shifting world around you.

Halfway

2011-09-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

I’mfresh off vacation, which makes this the best time to write. Everything isstill alive in my mind, the wonderfully elegant wedding of my best friend, thelaughter shared, the great food, and the relaxing sunshiny trip with my husbandto Cali that followed. It was a much-needed almost-two-week break and I feel asif half of me is still gone, living in between asleep and awake, realityand a dream. It’s a feeling I cherish, because it only lasts for a couple ofprecious days.

It’sthe feeling that makes you realize how insignificant so much of your everydaylife is. When you spend quality time with family and friends, it makeseverything else pale in comparison. Honestly, even if only for a moment, youreally feel like your job is pointless, like all those mundane errands justdisappear and all that matters is taking it all in.

Iwas grateful to be in a wedding that wasn’t mine! When it’s your own wedding,everything twirls around you so fast you don’t have time to absorb. But whenyou’re part of someone else’s big day, you notice all the little things, andyou notice the love between people. The bride was absolutely breathtaking in her gown, and she wore a smile effortlessly all evening. At her request, I sang as she walked down the aisle. For me it was an opportunity of a lifetime, and I washappy to lend my voice. It had been a while since I’d sung in front of a largercrowd and I’d forgotten how fun it is. I had a blast, and hearing the snifflescome toward the end of the song, I knew I’d done my job.

Igot to spend some time with the other fun women in the bridal party, and forhours, our husbands and fiancés kept up with us, dancing the night away untilnearly midnight. And as the bride and groom slipped away in their wedding towncar, I realized how grown up we’ve become, and how it still feels like wegraduated from high school just yesterday. Maybe it was the weariness of theevening falling down on me, but I felt as though I’d slipped into a dreamlikestate. I was somewhat beside myself, in the best way.

Thisfeeling stayed with me through the rest of vacation, all the way from Denver toLos Angeles, Vegas and back again. The weather was hot and perfect withcompletely cloudless days. The desert air smelled good, untainted with hints offlower and other plant life. The palm trees were everywhere, which I alwaysexpect, but never seem to get over. The landscape along the way truly lookedlike something from another planet, at times making me feel like I was inMiddle Earth.

And I still feel a piece of me stuck out there, out in the heat, where the sun shines almost all year long and thunder and lightning almost always accompany the rain. I'm not sure if this is healthy in the long run, but for the moment, I'll enjoy being stuck in that in between, in the thin moment where you feel far away from where you are. Right now, halfway is good.

My Best Friend's Wedding #1

2011-08-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

They say if you keep at least one best friend throughout your life, you're lucky, and even though I'm not yet 30, I'm proud to say I have two best friends. These are the kind of friends you make and keep forever, the kind that stick with you through it all, tell it like it is when you'd rather ignore the truth, and love you despite your weird habits. Both of them are engaged, and in a week, one will officially become a wife.

Adrienne is one of those girls you can't help but love. She's insatiable when it comes to life, taking in experiences and learning more as she goes. I remember meeting her years ago in school. She was tall, pretty, and to someone like me who was short and uncertain, she was intimidating. But as the weeks went by I saw her enthusiasm, which I loved, and I remember thinking to myself, "I hope she never loses that quality." She was someone to be admired, a girl who did well in school, was involved in everything from basketball to orchestra to theater, and inspired me to think even bigger.

Years later, whenever I see her, she's still the same Adrienne. Wiser and more experienced, but still the same. I'm so happy she hasn't lost that spark. Through all the chaos life brings to everyone, she's retained that piece of herself that's so essential. And I couldn't be more thrilled that she's found someone to share her life with.

When I think back to our school days, when we were in and out of boy crushes, struggling to fit in, not quite sure where our lives were going, I'm grateful for friendships like Adrienne's. She helped make life all the more fun, sane and ultimately, memorable.

Congratulations to one of my best friends, and I hope and pray happiness follows you and your beloved wherever life might take you.

Quality Over Quantity

2011-08-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

In a world where everyone wants more... more food, more clothes, more fun, more friends, more success, and more time... I'm sitting here maintaining the same philosophy I've had for years. Quality over quantity. I believe in the precious few things we come across in life, those wonderful people, moments and objects that become so special.

But even as I write this, I realize how even I've succumbed to the deep desire to have more. There is a part of me that wishes I had a thousand friends, three hundred pairs of shoes and another hour in every day. Just knowing that I'm betraying my own thoughts is bizarre. I suppose I envy some of those people, the ones that seem to know someone in every corner of the world, show off the expensive coat they just bought or share pictures of the fifth vacation they've taken this year. I can't deny that there are I times I wish that was me.

I'm sure there are many people who have almost everything they've ever dreamed of, and they are humble, happy and grateful. But what about those people who have so much, but are still so alone? What about the people who, on the outside, seem to have the world at their fingertips, but when they're in trouble, no one comes running?

That's when I remember, quality over quantity. As much as we all love to have a lot, it really doesn't mean much. Everything you really need is probably already there, if you look around. I have what I need. I have a great husband who never fails to support and love me, a family who accepts and encourages me despite my quirks (or perhaps because of them), and a few incredibly great friends who I could call whenever I needed to, just to get something off my chest. I recycle my wardrobe about once every two weeks, but I love those clothes. And I may not have that album out yet, but it's only a matter of time. I wouldn't want to rush it, to release something with fifteen tracks that didn't have a meaning. I'd rather take several years or more to get it right.

So the next time I fret about losing momentum, losing a fan or losing time, I'll just have to remember: Look at the quality, girl, look at the quality.

Cereal For Dinner

2011-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Cupcake Wars. Chopped. Man Vs. Food. I'll admit, I'm no expert cook. In fact, I'm still learning the basics. But thanks to the aforementioned shows, I'm developing a new fondness for food. The effort that goes into the preparations, the reason we love it so much, and the essential harmony between all the items on the plate have all started to intrigue me.

Not too long ago, most of my meals consisted of things heated in the microwave, and even though I'm trying to cook more, I have to admit I'm still nuking food more often than not. In this fast-paced world, we're pressed for time, and we often forget the importance of a good meal. It can be summarized best by some dialogue by Hugh Jackman's character in 'Kate & Leopold': "Where I come from, the meal is the result of reflection and study." Food meant more a hundred years ago, even fifty years ago, than it does today. People sat down and ate dinner together, discussing their day, current events... it was bigger than the fun night out with your friends. It was the one time everyone could relax and discuss their lives with each other.

That day has come and gone, but I still believe food has the ability to bring people together. There are few things that match the beauty of a great meal and quality time spent with people you enjoy. I've said it many times: The Lord gave us a beautiful way to nourish our bodies! We were given roots and herbs and plants and fruit and meat to fuel our bodies as we go about our day. He could have just said we'd take a pill to get our energy, but instead decided to give us the chance to prepare delicious meals ourselves. Brilliant.

So indulge and feed your creativity! Watch some shows to get yourself inspired and go for it. Even if you swear you can't cook (like me), step up to the stove anyway. Although I have to admit, I still love cereal for dinner.

The Hardship and The Joy

2011-07-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

"If by doing music you have a great feeling of joy and you'll accept the hardship and your family accepts it, if it's the drive in your life and the beauty of expression in your life, then do it and know that it's going to be very difficult, but the love will make up for all the hardship"
David Brubeck

This quote is a jem, something I wasn't expecting to read when I downloaded Natalie Walker's latest, "Spark", and started looking through the digital booklet. On the last page, all by itself, was this quote. How brilliant, and how beautiful, I thought. How me.

Anyone who has spoken to me recently about my music knows the story. After months of struggle, my computer finally died, and essentially so did any means of making music. As I patiently wait to get the necessary hardware, as the music stews inside all the more, I still feel the want, the need, the absolutely insane passion to create something meaningful and inspired. Still, I can't help but feel the timing is right, and there's a reason things have happened the way they have. There's a reason I focused so intensely on other things, like my husband, my job in marketing, my best friend's weddings, so many artists' music, and dived deeper into my spirituality than I had in years. I had to live.

When you have a passion, you have to feed it. You have to get dirty and reach into the muddy waters to pull out the pretty treasure. It's good to get distracted sometimes, because it gives you character. The more I think about it, the more I realize how boring life would be if I wasn't doing all those other things, trying other things and making a bigger life for myself. If music was my entire life, that would be cool. But if I didn't have the other stuff, my music might be pretty one dimensional. All my life, all the years I've sung songs and written, I get pulled away from time to time, forced to put my efforts into other important matters. But I always come back with renewed vigor. I suppose I believe, deep down, it will be worth it, and my journey will never be done.

Of course all this means is my own expectations will be higher than ever. So here's to expanding, living my busy life as I create melodies and every day becoming more and more the person, and the artist, I'm meant to be.

Get Real (For Real 2)

2011-07-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Continuing the 'get real' segment, here are some more random facts about me.

Confession four: I’m proud to be in a May-December marriage. I’ve actually never really tried to hide this (when people see my husband and me together, it’s kind of obvious anyway) but it feels good to just come right out and say it. As cliché as it is, all I see when I look at him is the man I fell in love with. He’s not ‘the guy that’s X years old than me’. We are the ultimate unconventional couple, and I love that, because anyone who knows me well knows I am anything but conventional.

Confession five: I'm seldom outwardly spiritual, but personally, I take my Christian beliefs very seriously. Not only do I love theology, I strive to have a relationship with God that transcends physical boundaries. I’m flawed like everyone else, and I don’t believe I’m perfect by any means, but I try my hardest to keep Jesus in my heart.

Confession six: I am a major blusher, and it happens at the most inopportune times. It's so obvious, and I know exactly when it happens because my whole head feels like it's on fire. All it takes is pronouncing a word incorrectly, being extremely surprised or stunned, or not being on top of my game. I'm learning to live with it, because nothing short of a major operation will make it go away, and no amount of makeup can diminish it.

100 Best Songs Ever (1-10) !

2011-07-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

My Top Ten. The epitome of what I love most about music. These are the songs that touch the deepest parts of my heart, make me cry, give me courage, make me smile and make me realize there's so much more to life than what we see and touch. I try to live life with as much passion and energy as these songs convey, every day. I always fall short, but I still try. Most of these songs have an electronic vibe, but a few are oddballs in the bunch. Whether old or new, they have the same effect on me: It's almost like my senses are stronger. I see more, I sense more, and I feel so much more through these melodies. I can't explain it. It's one of those feelings you either understand or you don't. I don't need drugs: For me, this is it!

10. This Love (Will Be Your Downfall) / Lights / Ellie Goulding / 2010
This is one of my newest addictions. I discovered Ellie on Pandora online radio, and I’m so glad I found her! She’s a true original artist, and I love that she writes her own songs. This wasn’t the first song of hers I heard, but it’s definitely my favorite. The sounds throughout this song are heavenly with rich chords, catchy synthesizers, acoustic guitars and thick vocals layered all around your ears. Ellie’s voice is extraordinarily unique, with a distinct British accent and playful undertone. She sounds whimsical and inspired, intense and real. I have to blast this song when I hear it. The production is divine!
The Best Part: 2:29-3:15

9. Intuition (Ford’s Extended Mix) / Intuition / Jewel / 2003
Who’d have thought I’d include both an acoustic and dance track from Jewel in my list? Say what you will about Jewel’s take on contemporary pop culture during this period, but I thought she nailed it and had fun at the same time. There are several great remixes of “Intuition”, but this one tops my list. I love a good spooky sounding track, and something about the distant echoes throughout this song make me feel as though I’m running from something unknown. It gets my heart going, and is great for long drives in the night. The production is fantastic and not overdone with just the right amount of pulsing synthesizers during the chorus and energy-boosting percussion. I highly recommend this for workouts!
The Best Part: 4:29-4:52

8.    1000 Miles Away / Goodbye Alice in Wonderland / Jewel / 2006
This is one of Jewel’s older compositions and it finally made it on to an album! When Jewel was younger she trained operatically, and it really shows here. She’s aching for her lover, and I love the sentiment in her voice. Her low tones are rich and precise, and her beautifully controlled falsetto is simply breathtaking. It’s such a beautiful track: She must have been touched by an angel when she wrote this. It’s so real, so honest, and such a completely spellbinding track. There’s just enough minimal percussion and echoes of sound to give the impression of intensity. It’s like an inner burning. Fabulous!
The Best Part: 3:00-3:49

7.    Stoned (Spiritchaser Mix) / Life For Rent (UK CD2 Single) / Dido / 2003
This remix is better than the original in some ways. I like the chords in the chorus even more, and the dance beat adds another spunky element. The remix is perkier than the original and consequently loses some of its sadness. This is one of my favorite long-drive songs. I come back to it whenever I’m driving along the coast. It helps take me to another place. When the percussion drops out during the bridge and it’s nothing but whimsical chords and Dido’s voice, the effect is just magical.
The Best Part: 3:48-4:49

6.    Stoned / Life for Rent / Dido / 2003
This is definitely my favorite track from Life for Rent. In a way, it sticks out from the rest of the album like a sore thumb, but that makes it even more special. This is everything I look for in a great electronic tune: Rich and moving chords, otherworldly beeps, a persistent drumbeat and a somber atmospheric feel. This song was my anthem during some difficult emotional times, when I was attempting to get back in touch with myself. I love the way the sounds fade out until it’s just the piano at the very end. It’s is a bit of an enigma, a song with extremely sad lyrics but a sunny instrumental disposition, and that makes it brilliant.
The Best Part: 5:13-5:55

5. Here With Me / No Angel / Dido / 1999
Before Eminem sampled Dido’s “Thank You” for his song “Stan”, I discovered No Angel on the store rack. The cover art looked cool, and the critics commended the album, so I bought it, even before hearing anything on it. As soon as I popped it in my player, I was floored: This was absolutely fantastic! I think I played this song five times before moving to the next track. It’s one of the most heartbreaking and yearning love songs ever, and Dido’s voice sounds sweet, sensual and desperate. I love drama in a song, and this envelopes it. The track took several years to create from start to finish, and its quality is undeniable. The strings, the electronic bass and mysterious percussion in the breaks: It all fits.
The Best Part: 1:19-2:53

4. God Only Knows / Pet Sounds / The Beach Boys / 1966
Even Paul McCartney loves this song! Every once in a while, something nearly perfect comes out of the music world, and in 1966 this song was it. Despite all the controversy regarding the song’s title (someone’s releasing a song with ‘God’ in the title?!) it topped charts around the world. The instrumentation and arrangement of this song make it a masterpiece, and it’s one of the most honest love songs ever. So simple, but so incredibly real. It almost brings tears to my eyes, it’s so good. Like a fine wine, it just seems to get better with age.
The Best Part: 1:43-2:16

3. Ray of Light / Ray of Light / Madonna / 1998
When Madonna’s album Ray of Light came out, I was a nerdy high school girl who wanted to be friends with everyone. I felt like I was ready to explode and this song perfectly captured my state of mind. The airy opening leading into driving synths and the addictive rhythm had me hooked. The lyrics are intuitive but still accessible, making it an extremely catchy tune. I love how the end feels like it just won't quit. This was one of the first songs that really put the electronica genre in the limelight, and helped make Ray of Light my favorite Madonna album. It’s probably still in my top ten albums ever.
The Best Part: 4:09-4:40

2. All Is Full of Love (Video Version) / Greatest Hits / Bjork / 2002
No collection of mine would be complete without this song. The original album version is beautiful, but this one takes the cake. If I had to pick one song to make love to, it might be this. It’s one of the most heightening and emotional tunes ever. I love the organic percussion and building melodies, with the ghostly strings and playful clarinet accents. The sitar is absolute brilliance. It’s no wonder this song was picked number one by Bjork’s own fans.
The Best Part: 2:11-3:40

1. Big Time Sensuality (The Fluke Mix) / Greatest Hits / Bjork / 1993
My quintessential dance tune and instant courage-booster, this is the song that got me hooked on Bjork. Before I found this music video online in 2003 (Bjork dancing atop a truck bed for thousands of New Yorkers to witness), I thought Bjork was a rock band. When I heard this for the first time, I got major goosebumps. How could a little lady envelope so much excitement, uncertainty and joy all at the same time? I fell quick and hard for Bjork’s undeniable musical expression. Within a month of hearing this, I bought her entire discography. For several months, everything was Bjork, and she never left my cd player. Something about this song is magical, almost ethereal: The pulsing instrumentations, electronic arpeggios and her clear voice ring out so pure and true. This screams innocence and youth and I love that Bjork is referring to life in general as she sings this, not just relationships. "It takes courage to enjoy it: The hardcore, and the gentle, big time sensuality." I have a love affair with this song that will last a lifetime.
The Best Part: 3:44-4:09

Get Real (For Real)

2011-06-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

I love sharing things about the world that make it a bright and beautiful place. I love talking about sunsets, ice cream, laughing and music. In a way, I'm sharing the things I love most in life, but I don't often directly share details about myself. I haven't consciously been withholding information, but I haven't been trying to share much either.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned the need to 'get real', and promised I'd share some information about me that makes me... me. The things that make me flawed, human, and define me. So here are the first of many things.

Confession one: I am a singer, but like many artists that don’t like to talk about anything other than their music in certain circles, I have a day job. As much as I try to hide it, I can’t deny the fact that I work in the marketing department at a defense company. I’ve actually learned a lot from the job that I can apply to my music career, and I’ve met some good people. Basically, music is my life and the job is just a job, but it’s a pretty honorable job to have in the meantime.

Confession two: I was an Everquest junkie. This might strike some people as odd, but once upon a time I lived to play that game. I was a high-level wood elf bard who walked the forests in sky-colored plate armor and wielded two magical (glowing) swords. Oh yes, I looked awesome.

Confession three: I own the Titanic soundtrack.

That's all you get for now. That last confession is a bit of a cop out, but there are more things to share later.

100 Best Songs Ever (11-19)

2011-06-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

Being so close to my most favorite songs ever, I decided to feature 11-19 this time, only because I want to keep the Top Ten together. I feel the need to reiterate the importance of this music, not just because it holds personal meaning for me, but because I truly believe some of these songs have the power to change lives for the better. These are songs that have deep meanings, happiness overflowing and energy bursting out. I love this music!

19. Fantasy / Daydream / Mariah Carey / 1995
I counted down the days waiting for Mariah Carey’s Daydream to come out. I believe this was when Mariah shined best. Using a sample of Tom Tom Club’s “Genius of Love”, there’s just the right amount of new sounds to compliment the already great instrumentation. The radio stations loved it too and played it nonstop, which usually turns me off a song, but in this case it just made me love it more. The dreamlike opening pulls you in and by the time Mariah hits those high notes, you’re on board. What I love is the addictive sounds, beeps and blips constantly pulsing through the song, keeping you interested and really defining the obsession in the lyrics. I always felt the song ended too soon, but it’s what makes you want to listen to it over and over. This song was really the beginning of Mariah’s new era in which she gained more creative control.

18. Dreamlover / Music Box / Mariah Carey / 1993
Music Box was the very first CD I ever owned (actually, I stole it from my sister) and I memorized the whole album word for word, including every vocal improvisation Mariah did. This song in particular was in heavy rotation in my tape and CD player, and I think I drove my mom halfway to insanity with it. It’s a perfectly perky song using a sample from The Emotions’ “Blind Alley”. Like “Fantasy”, Mariah successfully leaves you wanting more when the song ends, hence the constant replays. There’s a bit of jazzy stylization here, which makes the song fun to sing. The organ is reminiscent of classic love songs and the very-recognizable electronic riff that carries throughout is the track’s trademark.

17. Quicksand (Thievery Corporation Remix) / originally from Urban Angel / Natalie Walker / 2006
I stumbled on this track on YouTube one day. What a fantastic song! Natalie’s songs are always whimsical and refreshing. This is no exception. Besides the lazy drumbeat and Natalie’s angelic voice, what really makes this song shine is the airy instrumentation that sweeps throughout. Everything seems to echo around you: Turn it up real loud and you’ll know what I mean. I imagine this is what Heaven might sound like. Like Dido’s “Stoned”, this song has extremely somber lyrics about a failed relationship. In the end, Natalie sings of a new strength which seems to reflect in the music. It’s like a warm blanket that wraps you in to reveal a new beginning.

16. Bittersweet Symphony / Urban Hymns / The Verve / 1998
I watched Cruel Intentions just once on television, but that’s all it took to hook me on this song. As soon as it started, my hair stood up: What was that beautiful string melody? I later found out it was borrowed from the Rolling Stones’ “The Last Time”, but that didn’t make it any less awesome. I absolutely love this track: The lyrics are pure poetry. When you can listen to the same melody through a song over and over and it doesn’t feel repetitious, you know it’s good.

15. Everybody Wants to Rule the World / Songs From The Big Chair / Tears For Fears / 1985
Who knew a simple guitar riff would make or break a song? I’m guessing this is on many best of lists. It defined a generation and conquered the charts across the globe. This song has a very definitive strength, and despite its lyrical ambiguity it always feels familiar. No matter what age you are, this song is enjoyable. Like many on my list, this song is perfect for a long drive on the coast. It always seems to end too quickly, and that leaves me coming back for more.

14. On The Horizon / Reason / Melanie C / 2003
Want a song full of sunshine and pep? This is it. If I’m ever down and out, I just pop this on and I’m instantly relaxed. If the sun is blazing and I’m in my car while it’s playing, I’m cured. The brass really makes this what it is. If songs could smile, this one certainly would. It never loses steam as it plays on and I could easily listen for hours. Melanie really sounds at home here, full of joy and life.

13. Solitary Man / The Feel of Neil Diamond / Neil Diamond / 1966
This was Neil’s very first chart topper, and it’s my favorite song of his. It floors me that he wrote such an intuitive tune when he was still so young. His knowledge of human emotions has always exceeded many others and his frank expression is marvelous. The highlight is the bridge with the fantastic horn arrangement, but the acoustic guitar is great too. I can’t believe it took me so long to get into Neil, but being older has made me appreciate it so much more.

12. The Need To Be Naked (Guido Osorio’s Virgin Mix) / The Need To Be Naked (Maxi Single) / Amber / 2002
This is far from brilliant songwriting, but I totally enjoy it regardless. I’ve always loved this remix way more than the original album version. I initially heard this on a remix radio station, and had trouble finding it later. Once I snagged the single I was in musical bliss for a while. This remix is so sensually happy, I can’t even explain it. The chords are simple and there’s nothing groundbreaking about the other instrumentation. Still, I can’t help but crank this up whenever I hear it. I love that it's such a long mix. Fun and sexy at its best!

11. Hollywood (Oakenfold Full Remix) / Hollywood (Maxi Single) / Madonna / 2003
Another fabulous remix on my list, this has a contagious energy that makes you want to get up and go. Paul Oakenfold almost never disappoints and this is no exception. I can’t pick anything specific about this that turns me on: The whole thing seems to create an atmosphere all its own. There are subdued moments, intense highs and somber lows. Claps, piano melodies and lush choral effects take this to another level of remix brilliance.

Get Real

2011-06-15T17:39:00.000-07:00

A decade ago, when I said ‘get real’, I was essentially asking someone to prove a story. I also used the phrase as a form of expression when I was surprised. Nowadays, I rarely say it, and when I do, it’s usually because I’m using it in the literal sense: It’s time to get real.

The whole world seems to be catching on to this. Even in celebrity circles it’s encouraged, and more and more people are sharing details and secrets only close friends and family would know. It intrigues and saddens me simultaneously. On one hand, such honesty is awesome and it’s great to see how normal everyone really is. On the other hand, the days of mysterious and sultry movie stars are gone. The magical effect has dimmed and even though it hasn’t completely gone out, I have a feeling Hollywood will never be as glamorous as it once was.

That said, perhaps it’s a good thing we’re all on a level playing field. Paparazzi have played a huge part in this, exposing stars on their worst days, which is terribly inconsiderate, but eye-opening. The biggest culprit of the sudden surge of realism is probably social networking. It’s contagious in good and bad ways, like a great laugh
or an infectious disease. People share inspiring things and the next day share too much information. I admit I’m one of those people. I’m willing to bet everyone is one of those people.

So why am I obsessing about this? As usual, the roots of my thoughts are imbedded in personal matters, and the reason I’m elaborating is because I feel like it’s time to let it go, open up, be honest… yes, it’s time to ‘get real’.

So over the next few weeks, I'll be revealing things about myself that only a select few know. It will be interesting to see what reactions I get, and I hope I can inspire others to put themselves out there. After all, we're only human, we're not living in a movie and we're certainly not perfect. It's time to get real! Stay tuned...

100 Best Songs Ever (20-29)

2011-06-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

The months have flown by since I started listing my favorite songs, and we're edging closer and closer to my top picks!

29.    Wannabe (Junior Vasquez Remix Edit) / 2 Become 1 / Spice Girls / 1996
More than a decade ago, the local radio station used to do this Saturday Night Hot Mix mash up of all the best club remixes thrown together for hours of danceable bliss. That’s when I heard this and fell in love. It took me years to find it again as I found various mixes of “Wannabe” only to be disappointed when it wasn’t the one. Finally, I came across this track on the girls’ “2 Become 1” single. Yes: Peppy brass and fabulous dance beat, here I come!

28.    Wannabe / Spice / Spice Girls / 1996
This song holds very significant meaning for me. I was in middle school. I was a geek with braces, glasses and a far from perfect complexion. Then I heard this song. And I read about the artists. And I discovered ‘Girl Power’! From there, everything changed. I suddenly started to embrace my quirkiness and even though social circles in school were still stressful, it became easier to cope. This song will forever remain every bold girl’s anthem, from the opening laughter to the rap in the bridge, to the crazy lyrics and cheerleader vocals. It left no doubt about these girls’ strength and positivity, and helped define a generation. I was, and will always be, a Spice Girl fan.

27.    Edge Of The Ocean / Long Distance / Ivy / 2001
Like many people, the first time I heard this was on Grey’s Anatomy. I immediately fell in love with the laidback groove and sweeping orchestrations. It’s the perfect song for a day at the beach, lounging on the sand (or driving along the coast). It gives you a feeling of floating or flying. The lyrics mention rekindled romance with shades of previous failure, but I never feel less than euphoric when I listen to this.

26.    Little Lies / Tango In The Night / Fleetwood Mac / 1987
I vividly remember hearing this on the radio when I was a kid. Even as a 5-year-old, I recognized the magic in this song. The vocals are complete bliss and everyone recognizes the ghostly intro. In a way, this is a timeless song. There are a few elements that scream late 80s, but so much more makes this song accessible even by today’s standards. You can still hear it on the radio: There’s no mistaking its appeal.

25.    Return to Innocence / The Cross of Changes / Enigma / 1994
During Enigma’s popularity boom, they released this surreal track. With Thai chants, electric guitars, strong drums, and inspirational lyrics, there had never been anything like it before. It’s been featured on countless shows, movies, etc. The drumbeat was sampled from Led Zeppelin’s “When the Levee Breaks” (who knew)? It stirred all kinds of craziness, good and bad, and even resulted in a lawsuit regarding the borrowed chant vocals. Still, it continues to inspire me and lift my spirits. The remixes are all fantastic too, but the original has a charm never duplicated.

24.    The Sign / The Sign / Ace of Base / 1994
This was truly the song that jumpstarted Ace of Base’s domination. It was different than everything else on the radio back then. Inspired by the budding electropop music scene and yesteryear’s dance tunes, Ace of Base burst onto the radio waves with this extraordinarily addictive tune and took the world by storm. The distinctive drumloop and synth melody is the song’s trademark, and are instantly recognizable.

23.    What Else Is There? / The Understanding / Royksopp / 2005
Another spooky electronic tune, I discovered this on Pandora Radio. Royksopp has a reputation for producing outstanding chillout tunes and this is no exception. The video really gives you the ultimate thrill, but the song alone is enough to give you the creeps. Like other songs on my list, it has eerie melodies that create an ethereal musical atmosphere. This gives you the impression of walking (or floating) through a dark afterworld alone (watch the video). I’d never heard the trippy ending until I downloaded the track: What a crazy conclusion! I love it.

22.    Miracle / Extra Virgin / Olive / 1996
A friend from England turned me onto Olive. The band no longer exists, but for a few years they were the definition of chillout triphop. The opening track on their debut left no doubt in their musical intention: They’re all about spooky chords and somber vocals (provided by Ruth-Ann Boyle). This is wonderfully hypnotizing and melodic, putting the listener into a musical trance. It’s a longer track, but makes the most of every second. Not meant to be rushed, it has minimal arrangements combined into a rich soundscape. It’s perfect for a night drive, but might freak you out (don’t say I didn’t warn you).

21.    Every Breath You Take / Synchronicity / The Police / 1983
Can you blame me for including this? It’s only the most brilliant stalker song in the history of man, and arguably the bands’ best song. It topped charts everywhere and can be heard on radio stations to this day. The brilliance of the song shines in the seemingly sweet words that shadow a much darker intention. The effective guitar riff doesn’t hurt either as it shuffles along with the vocals. The bridge sees a little piano sprinkled here and there, and it really makes for a much tender interpretation of obsession.

20.    Free Me (Full Intention’s Freed Up Radio Edit) / Free Me / Emma Bunton / 2004
Emma hit the spot with her retro-inspired album Free Me, and the title track was no exception. Even better than the album version is this club remix, which seems to give the track a stronger sensual flavor. It’s more earnest, less slinky than the original and much more in-your-face, which I love. The pulsing music makes me want to get up and go without hesitation. Emma sounds fabulous and extremely sexy: So long, Baby Spice!

Outside Myself

2011-06-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I found myself among family and friends, old and new, experiencing the great joys life has to offer, laughing until my stomach and throat hurt and living on the fly. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a short vacation become so full. I was bouncing from one place to the next, trying to squeeze every possible happy moment out of each day. I can safely say I succeeded.

Those are the kind of vacations where you realize how much is going on in lives all around you, all the time. I didn’t have a chance to stop and worry about anything, to rehearse my actions or words in my head prior to speaking them, or fret about my problems. I was experiencing life in other people’s worlds. I was completely outside myself, which I love. When you become so focused on yourself, you are your own worst enemy.

Putting yourself first is sometimes important, but putting yourself second really keeps you humble. You see through others' eyes, experience life as they know it and begin to understand and sympathize. The compassion grows and so does the joy. Reaching across those boundaries keeps you alive and keeps life interesting.

I really do believe that when friends get together and have an awesome time, there’s a temporary bubble of giddiness in the air that follows you wherever you go together. It’s so strong it can affect people around you. I like to think my crazy antics with my best girlfriends bring joy or at least amusement to people we pass as we hang out, but who knows what they’re thinking? That’s the beauty of it: In those moments, I don’t know what they’re thinking, and instead of worrying about it, I let it go.

Thank you to my best friends, the ladies that give me confidence and loosen my mind, make me laugh and smile infinitely. Thank you to my family for giving me a comfortable place to always call home, to speak my mind freely and be myself, flaws and all. My mind is a dangerous place to be alone, and when I get the chance to open the door and step outside into some social sunshine, I take it and run with it.

100 Best Songs Ever (30-39)

2011-05-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

We're inching ever closer to my top ten! Some of the oldest songs I love are in this list.

39.    Heaven Is a Place on Earth / Heaven on Earth / Belinda Carlisle / 1987
When I was five, this was my favorite song. I’d flit around the house singing the chorus over and over again. This song was made for the radio. From the bombastic opening to the magical fadeout, it feels alive throughout. Everything comes together perfectly. It screams 80s, but there’s still a timeless quality. I can imagine this being played on the radio thirty years from now. There have been numerous remakes and mixes over the years, but nothing touches Belinda’s original.

38.    Love Will Never Do (Without You) / Rhythm Nation 1814 / Janet Jackson / 1990
This song helped Janet burst into more sensual imagery with its accompanying video, and the world was never the same. Personally I always enjoyed the song and never even saw the video until just a few years ago. When I was younger I thought someone else sang the first verse because of Janet’s low vocals: Boy was I fooled. This is Janet at her best, singing about enduring love with a cheery and flirty disposition. The high note crescendo at the end is production brilliance!

37.    Escapade / Rhythm Nation 1814 / Janet Jackson / 1990
I have very vivid memories of listening to this on the radio during the 1990s. This was one of Janet’s biggest hits and spent several weeks at the top of the Billboard charts. I was inspired to write my own spunky song after hearing this. It’s got peppy synths and jingly bells. The beat is addicting and the lyrics are simple and just plain fun. It’s hard to believe this song is really twenty years old: It always makes me feel lively and happy.

36.    Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel / Sky High! / Tavares / 1976
I heard this song years ago but didn’t really fall in love with it until I saw the scene in Charlie’s Angels with Cameron Diaz dancing. I looked it up on YouTube and found the extended version with the excellent vocal harmonies about halfway through. What a great find! I admit this is totally cheesy and typical disco, but hey, it gets me going and makes me smile every time I hear it. I love the glockenspiel!

35.    Praise the Name of the Lord / All-Night Vigil / Rachmaninoff / 1915
I first heard this in My Best Friend’s Wedding. For years I wondered, what was that song? Who wrote it and what was the name? On a whim, I searched YouTube and came across some midnight vigil music: Could this be it? Ah ha! There it was, brilliantly performed and perfectly angelic. With lyrics in Russian, you’d never know the content was spiritual if it weren’t for the heavenly feeling it exudes. When I close my eyes and listen to this, I really do feel like I’m light as a feather, totally at peace in a little tiny perfect moment. A vocalist once said they felt as though there was something really special and spiritual happening as they sang this, and I totally believe it.

34.    Sing Sing Sing (With a Swing) / Sing Sing Sing / Louis Prima / 1936
Many people love this song. In fact, I’ve never met someone who doesn’t. It’s absolutely fabulous: A song with sass, sexiness and style. The musical conversation between brass and drums keeps building until the very end when everything explodes. This is musical climax at its best. It’s energizing and takes you for a ride. Even if you can’t dance, this makes you want to try anyway.

33.    Clair de lune / Suite bergamasque / Claude Debussy / 1905
Sometime during my childhood, I discovered this song. My dad had the sheet music for it, and mom bought me a tape of Debussy. I never listened to any of the other tracks, but I wore the tape out listening to this. It’s a tearjerker in every sense, and makes you think of the most touching moments of your life. When a piano expresses almost every emotion in one song, you know it’s good. Every performer has their own way of playing this, but I really enjoy it when the player takes time to transition between the arpeggios and simple melodies. It’s really a magical moment in music.

32.    Moonlight Serenade / Moonlight Serenade / Glenn Miller / 1939
One of my very favorite jazz tracks, I adore this song. Despite the repetition, it just makes you feel all warm and romantic. I don’t think the beauty of this will ever diminish. It’s a timeless track that screams sensuality, grace and class. It’s still a staple at weddings and parties everywhere. I wonder if Glenn had any idea how significant this song would be. The instruments almost seem to be singing, and the harmonies are so close, they sound like one: Wonderful.

31.    Sparkling Diamonds / Moulin Rouge 2 (Motion Picture Soundtrack) / Various Artists / 2002
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I love this song. A classic with a twist, Nicole Kidman stole the show with this number. Moulin Rouge is one of my favorite films, and this song is my personal high point. Every song from the film was genius: Well-known tracks merged together to create a seamless soundtrack. Still, the brass arrangement in this song is stunning, and Nicole was clearly enjoying her new freedom as a single woman and sexy movie star. I guess a little bit of Monroe and Madonna would do that to almost any woman.

30.    Loved By The Sun / Legend (Motion Picture Soundtrack) / Tangerine Dream / 1986
When I was a kid, I wasn’t that interested in the storyline or the creative visuals of this movie (though I have to admit, Darkness was one freaky dude): I liked the music. I later heard the director’s cut with the classical score, but the synthetic soundscape created by Tangerine Dream really made this movie shine. I particularly liked this song (especially the opening) with its rich chords and crescendos. Not surprisingly, this takes me to another place, away from reality just long enough to give me a boost.

Along For The Ride

2011-05-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Whenever I make a decision that results in a dynamic change, like deciding to move to Seattle or accepting a wedding proposal, I feel like I can do anything. Those decisions are the difference between this life and that life. When I execute such life changing events, I’m briefly convinced I have total control over my life, and even though I know that’s not true I delight in the fact that I so confidently and boldly took those steps forward.

That uncertainty and fear that grips us, that thing we call the Unknown, used to look like a big black wall in front of me. I wanted so badly to know what was ahead and tried time and time again to paint that wall with exactly what I thought should be on it. I could clearly see where and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I was never the type to have my entire life mapped out and could only see flashes of what I wanted for a future, but those flashes were vivid and bright.

Nowadays the flashes aren’t quite as bright or frequent, and I find myself less and less convinced that I know better. I still have dreams, and they still grip me like almost nothing else can, but I know my road to success is going to be filled with more twists and turns I couldn’t possibly imagine. I read about successful people, taking in the heartbreaking stories of their own lives, realizing they had their own hurdles to jump and that it was more than perseverance that got them where they are. It’s talent, perseverance, relationships and at least a little bit of luck (or maybe a lot).

My personal professional journey recently hit a roadblock made of dead hardware and software, but perhaps it’s not totally horrific after all. Being forced away from constant music-making has allowed music to build up inside me, ready to burst at any moment, and I can feel how much is going to pour out when I get the chance to produce my work again. It’s an itch I’m waiting patiently to scratch.

I’ve also realized how much my life isn’t defined by my music. I know; it’s pretty unreal, right? It’s a huge part of me and I have to admit I’m extraordinarily happy when I’m deep in the creation of melodies, but there is so much more in life that means something. My marriage has opened my eyes the most. It really makes me feel like my life has more meaning. I’m less selfish, which I’m thankful for, and more than ever I find myself thinking about the far future, not just the next year or two.

I know thinking so far into the future and imagining my life twenty years down the road is pointless, because as much as I try to steer my path and make those big decisions that should direct the rest of my life flawlessly, there are so many variables and possibilities hidden behind the big picture. But with such big dreams and ideas, I continue to strive for what I want. I can’t help it: I can’t let go of the hope. I see the Unknown as a big wall of bright white instead of black now, and I dive into it, knowing I don’t hold the paintbrush and the world around me will be created by something beyond my control. I’m just living in it. The big decisions I make cause big changes, but the events that result from the big decision are what truly define our lives. For the most part, we’re just along for the ride.

Wedding Obsession

2011-05-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Recent Royal Wedding excitement has inspired me to think about weddings again. A year ago, I was completely obsessed with my own wedding, planning all the details myself and busier than I’d ever been. It was fun to make appointments with vendors, choose colors and flowers, pick the food, find a dress, etc. My two best girlfriends are engaged and currently planning their own special days and I’m always more than willing to throw my opinion out there.

What is it about weddings? Even some men seem to enjoy them (and it isn’t just the free drinks). The simple and most obvious fact seems to be our unfailing belief in undying love. We want to believe in it. We want proof it still exists, and a wedding is the best example of an almost-perfect start to what could be a wonderful lifelong love. There are other elements we love, like the dress, the music, the alcohol and the good times, but I think it all boils down to the happiness that encompasses nearly all weddings. We want a piece of that.

I haven’t been to a wedding (other than my own) for years, so I’m pretty ecstatic about being in two within the year. I regret I can’t be more helpful with the planning of my girlfriend’s weddings, but I’ve only myself to blame since I’m the one who chose to move away and live in Seattle. Life has taken us different directions, but nothing could keep me away. With these girls, the decision to be in their weddings was a no-brainer. We have the kind of friendship that goes the distance and lasts through it all.

I spent several hours the other day looking at old photos from our early 20s, remembering how young, naïve and carefree we all were. We’re still learning about life and will continue to do so, but it’s safe to say each of us has come a long way since we left school. We’ve been through the usual things young adults go through, breakups, various jobs, relocations, laughter, tears, and countless talks that lasted hours. And here we are, each with a particularly special man in our lives, ready to become (or in my case, having recently become) a wife.

Marriage suits me well, and I can safely say I didn’t realize how much I’d like it. I like being a wife. I like doing the little things every day that surprise my husband and keep life easy and fresh. I take pride in the things that seem boring or mundane. Before my wedding, there was a part of me that wondered if I’d miss my independence, and I felt the pressure of being or acting a certain way. Much to my surprise, that fear disappeared and I don’t feel the need to be perfect all the time.

I still look back on my wedding planning as a time of excitement and fun, and even now, almost a year after my wedding day, I miss the anticipation. I’ve become a fan of weddings in general, and was surprised when I actually managed to get up at 2:30 in the morning to watch the Royal Wedding live. I suppose I could have waited for reruns of the footage, but there’s something about experiencing it as it happens. The music, the vows, the sentimental gestures… I admit I love it all. I must confess: As much as I love the romance, it’s always fun to see what everyone is wearing too.

100 Best Songs Ever (40-49)

2011-05-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

My next batch of favorites spans almost thirty years and covers a wide variety of genres.

49. Drowned World/Substitute For Love / Ray of Light / Madonna / 1998
Before I listened to Ray of Light the first time, I knew the album was going to be epic. I wasn’t expecting to be totally blown away by the first track. This sets the tone for the entire album. Madonna spent a lot of time vocally training for her role in Evita, and recorded this album in the same time period. It really shows: Madonna has never sounded more pure and mature. Her confusion and honesty in this song is very real. The music is gorgeous and the lyrics really hit home. This is one of my favorite songs to sing when I warm up.

48. Happy Up Here / Junior / Royksopp / 2009
In stark contrast to another track I love from Royksopp, this song makes me grin from ear to ear every time I hear it. Even on my worst day this would never fail to pick me up. Opening with genuine laughter and continuing with playful lyrics, the drums thump and bounce, with synths that happily tease your ears. The track builds and builds into an explosion with a wall of sound. I’m not quite sure what this song is about, but that’s not the point: The only thing I want to do while listening to this is enjoy life and get lots of sunshine. I only wish it was longer!

47. Like A Prayer / Like A Prayer / Madonna / 1989
Admit it: Somewhere deep down, amidst all the controversy, you enjoy this. In modern times, the controversy pales in comparison to most of Lady Gaga’s work anyway. Still, this track made waves all over the world. The music is brilliant and Madonna sounds fabulous. But the video took shock and awe to a whole new level. I never saw the video until I was much older, but I always loved the song. Speculation has surrounded the lyrics for years, but the melody is simply divine. The choir adds a touch of class and serious spirituality to what would otherwise be just another Madonna dance track. I think it’s brilliant.

46. Witness / Surfacing / Sarah McLachlan / 1997
For me, this track is Sarah’s most beautiful and haunting. The waltz time signature gives it a whimsical feel while the haunting vocals create mystery. Many of the tracks on Surfacing have great tinges of rock and this is no exception. The bridge is fantastically emotional. It’s great that Sarah is singing from a sinner’s perspective, very ambivalent and honest. The thoughts in this song are easily relatable and very human. Sarah never sugarcoats her songs, and that makes them brilliant.

45. Summer Rain / At the End of a Perfect Day / Chris de Burgh / 1977
More than anything, this song has sentimental value. It’s one of the first songs I remember listening to (and singing along with) when I was very little. It was common to hear Chris de Burgh in the car during road trips, and this song was my very favorite of his. As I got older I learned to appreciate many of his tunes, but this one continues to make me smile and tap my foot. It has the quality many songs from the 1920s and 30s had, a melancholy simplistic melody that rings true no matter what age you are. Despite the veil of sadness, there’s something incredibly uplifting about it. The brass is the real highlight.

44. Take On Me / Hunting High and Low / a-ha / 1985
Yet another essential 80s tune, the video for this song really made a statement. I remember hearing about it before I saw it, which made for huge publicity. The song finally topped the charts after a full year of release. Musically, it has all kinds of staccato rhythms and melodies that dance all over the place. I remember blasting this on the radio years ago and I continue to crank it up when I hear it now.

43. Always Something There to Remind Me / Burning Bridges / Naked Eyes / 1983
If I’m not mistaken, Burt Bacharach who originally wrote this song in the 1960s actually preferred this version. It has all the elements of a 1980s track with a certain uniqueness thrown in. The tubular bells in the intro and outro really make it something special, and are ultimately my favorite part of the song. The verses aren’t particularly impressive, but as soon as the chorus starts it wins you over. If this isn’t one of your favorite 80s songs you must not have a pulse…

42. It Feels So Good (The Conductor & The Cowboy Amnesia Mix) / It Feels So Good / Sonique / 2000
I had to include this. It’s one of the best remixes I’ve ever heard. Rarely does a remix eclipse the original, but this one might. It flutters along with so much energy; it’s hard not to speed in the car when I listen to this. It’s actually quite repetitive, but what it lacks in variation it makes up for with inspiration. I feel like I can take on anything when I hear this song. Less desperate than the original, I like the happier demeanor of this version.

41. Running Up That Hill / Hounds of Love / Kate Bush / 1985
My mom played this for me and my sister when we were really young, and even back then I loved it. It sneaks in like a ghost and then the commanding drums start. Everything about this song is distinctive. It epitomizes Kate Bush’s entire career. There was even a bit of controversy regarding the subject of ‘God’ in the lyrics. Who would have thought? It’s a brilliant song, and the bridge is particularly powerful.

40. Caribbean Blue / Shepherd Moons / Enya / 1991
I distinctly remember hearing this on the radio the same time Mariah Carey’s “Can’t Let Go” was circling the airwaves. This new age Celtic track made a big impression on popular radio, and for good reason. It dances along gracefully, the raindrop arpeggios echoing around Enya’s magnificent oohs and aahs. This is a timeless song, with instruments that sound like they’re from the 18th century surrounded by modern electronic flavors. Enya’s vocals are so pure she could be singing something as old as time itself.

Good Places

2011-04-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

There are dozens of spots along Highway 101 that seem unaffected by the rest of the world around them. The ocean and the sky meet along the horizon and you can’t tell which is which. Coastal trees are twisted and warped from the prevailing ocean winds. The colors change in the air magically throughout the day, the soft blues of morning transitioning to golden glows at sunset. I love these spots, the little pockets of the world that feel untouched and raw, teeming with life and freshness. No technology or noise can corrupt the beauty of these spots.

There are other areas that are far different but no less beautiful. The tops of lush mountains make me feel like an explorer, like I’m the first one to see the dense forests and scattered wildflowers. I get to live my fantasy of being an elf, or some other fairytale creature, equipped with my armor and a pair of magical swords, or so I like to imagine, anyway. The plants fill the air with an unmistakable dampness, and a smell that never loses its reviving crispness lingers in your nose. It’s the kind of smell that sticks to your clothes and goes home with you.

Then there are the sprawling deserts, littered with cactus, dust and sand and dangerous creatures that fascinate me. Desert sunsets are some of the most beautiful, decorated with saguaro silhouettes and dark clouds sparkled with lightning strikes. Behind the veil of dry and repetitive scenery is a vast expanse of colorful life that blooms when the weather shifts. I love the patience of the desert, and that it is one of the most brutal and mysterious and gorgeous areas on the planet.

Beyond the beautiful and scenic landscapes are the pockets of good places that exist around you, at home, at work, in everyday areas that you don’t even notice. I’m continually amazed by the happy spaces that seem to pop up in the most random spots. They seem to shift, darting from place to place. Some of them exist for only a second, touching the deepest and happiest part of me before disappearing. I find these pockets of joy walking down the street, when the light shines through the trees and the wind blows a certain way. Sometimes it hits me in the kitchen, while I’m attempting to make something really nice to eat, knowing the food I’m making is good for our bodies and souls. Goodness sometimes pops up between me and a stranger as we greet each other with a smile, passing on the street. I know I’ll probably never see them again but our day is brighter just by sharing some happiness. A bubble of perfection forms around me for a moment and I pray it lasts as long as possible.

Simple actions create good places, like when I hug my husband and rest on the couch, watching the sun shift across the wall and taking in the serenity and peacefulness of the moment. Nothing else exists except the goodness, nothing can taint the feeling. These are the presents I love to unwrap every day, and they sometimes number in the dozens. They’re everywhere, in so many forms, big and small, encompassing an area miles long and sometimes completely contained in the perfect tangerine I’m eating. I can’t wait to see how many I can find.

Sea Salted Chocolate

2011-04-21T19:35:00.000-07:00

For no particular reason, some things just go together. They combine naturally to create something wonderful and divine. You’d never expect some combinations to work, but inevitably they do. For eons, opposites have attracted.

A simple example that everyone can relate to is food. There are some snacks I cannot avoid. Sugar is good, but I am a salt fanatic. I love chips and crackers and fries, and can happily devour an entire bag/box/bucket in a single sitting watching a favorite movie. Thankfully, I very rarely use extra salt!

I recently discovered the magic of salted chocolate. Every time I’d pass through the snack aisle I’d see the many varieties of Lindt chocolate, many of which scared me off (the Fire Roasted Tomato Triscuits always looked better anyway). Then one day, someone decided to share their Lindt Sea Salted Chocolate bar. Boom! It was a magical taste, way better than Salt & Vinegar chips, or at least tied for first place. The bitterness of dark chocolate was perfectly balanced with the gentle sting of salt. I’ve never been a huge chocolate fan, but this salty sugar might have converted me.

Other combinations are just as surprisingly good. When you really think about it, peanut butter and jelly is a really odd combination, but it’s a huge childhood staple. Banana and peanut butter is slightly less popular, but no less awesome. I particularly liked peanut butter and fried bologna, and my Mom specifically likes peanut butter (or maybe just plain butter) and Fritos.

Complete opposites combine to cancel out the craziness of each other. Fire and water, black and white, even people come together and bring out the best in each other. I’m vivacious and my husband is relaxed, and wouldn’t you know it, I’ve become more laid back in some situations and he’s become more outgoing. He often makes comments about things on television that I wouldn’t have heard him say several years ago, and I’m sure it’s my influence.

So go ahead and mix it up, eat strange food combinations, mingle with people who don’t necessarily agree with you, and enjoy the sting of something unique in the midst of usualness.

100 Best Songs Ever (50-59)

2011-04-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

We're at the halfway point of my list!

59.    5 Years / Homogenic / Bjork / 1997
If you ever wanted to write off an ex with a dedicated song, look no further. You’ve found the ultimate power girl anthem! Every track on Homogenic is bursting with explosions, but this one screams louder than most of the others. After my first listen I played it again. Then I played it again. It became a favorite of mine instantly. The commanding synths, the crushing beats, the soaring strings, Bjork’s growls and shrieks: Oh man, do I love this! This perfectly sums up a strong woman’s outlook on a weak man: “I’m so bored with cowards that say they want love, but then can’t handle.” It’s a great way to decompress, and it’s great as a vocal warm up, too.

58.    You’ve Been Flirting Again (Flirt As A Promise) / Telegram / Bjork / 1996
I admit when I heard the original version of this I wasn’t all that impressed. Then I listened to this version and went ballistic (in a good way). What starts off as a quiet and dreamy lullaby quickly swells into a string-laden ode to love. It ends way too soon and I usually have to hit the replay button. This is part of its charm, a quick little desperate number that leaves you coming back for more. Well done!

57.    Venus As A Boy (Anglo American Extension) / Venus As A Boy / Bjork / 1993
Yes, I know there are lots of Bjork tracks on this list, but can you blame me? This is so laid back, sensual, sparkly and jazzy I can’t help but burst into song and sing along. Of course the original version is wonderful too, but I like the extra drums here: It’s that much more intense. The emotions are enhanced. Bjork never fails to deliver and her longing is perfectly portrayed here.

56.    The River / Ropin’ The Wind / Garth Brooks / 1991
Garth always had the innate ability to attract almost anybody to his music, country fan or not. This is far and away my favorite song of his. I love a lot of them, but I like the flow of this one (no pun intended). The melody is a little gospel, a little country, folk and even reminds me of something new age. I love the opening instrumentation and the vocal break toward the end is very powerful.

55.    Headphones / Whatever We Wanna / LeAnn Rimes / 2006
Okay, I admit: This song is not the smartest, most intuitive in the world, but I love it anyway. Fun to sing, it gets your feet moving and has a really peppy, sexy vibe. The country rocking electric guitar is a nice touch to what would otherwise be a club track. It was remixed by Almighty specifically for this purpose anyway, but this album version is short and sweet with sly innuendos and popping percussion. LeAnn sounds like she’s having so much fun here, and it makes you want to join in.

54.    Strong / Whatever We Wanna / LeAnn Rimes / 2006
A pop country song with gospel-tinged lyrics, I’ve always loved this song. LeAnn’s voice is in top form here, and she never does too much, keeping the performance straight and, not surprisingly, strong. She’s front and center, without any additional vocal harmonies. Somehow, this makes the song that much bolder and personal. The bridge brings me close to tears every time: It’s got such a wonderful goosebump-inducing quality. Like other songs on Whatever We Wanna, there are electric guitars and strings thrown in with twinkles of electronic piano arpeggios. It’s a great inspiring mix.

53.    Some People / This Woman / LeAnn Rimes / 2005
At the close of the album, this song really struck a chord with me. LeAnn said when she was recording this, she was nearly in tears, and you can really hear that passion in her voice. Unlike many songs on this list, I chose this one more for the lyrics than the music. It’s exactly how I feel about love and relationships. I love the bluesy touch, the desperation and the buildup to the brilliant bridge.

52.    Suddenly (Riva Radio Mix) / The Best of LeAnn Rimes (Remixed) / LeAnn Rimes / 2004
Yet another song that sounds better as a remix, I love belting this out. Some criticized LeAnn for taking a step into the pop world on Twisted Angel, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. She has the voice to pull it off. This remix in particular shows her in top form, portraying angst and anxiety with ease. The melody is further enhanced by airy chords against intense acoustic guitar and extended reverb. It’s a little slice of dancefloor heaven.

51.    Sexual (Li Da Di) (Plasma Trance Remix) / Remixed / Amber / 2000
You’d never guess by the title but my mom loves this remix. Many mixes of this song were produced, including a slow, mellow chillout track. This one is my favorite. It’s short and sweet, but has plenty of spice too. Amber had one wave of major success in the United States with “This is Your Night” in 1996, but this song was a big hit as well. It’s another great, thumping dance track for a drive down the freeway.

50.    Music (Deep Dish Dot Com Remix) / Music / Madonna / 2000
This is one of my favorite remixes of all time! I always come back to this when I need a surge of energy. It’s a very long mix too, so you can really get into it. The bass is what gives this song its character; a pulsing, spooky sounding thing that drives on forever. The memorable guitar bleeps from the original album version as well as other signature sounds are thrown in which gives this song the perfect balance. When this plays in the car it makes me want to go 100 mph! It’s not just another excuse for a dance club anthem: It’s a serious musical masterpiece.

Pale Blue Dot

2011-04-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

The explorations of NASA’s Voyager Program have fascinated me for years. The idea that we could send a spacecraft outside the very edges of our own solar system and into the vastness of space boggles my mind, not to mention the awe inspiring Golden Records, discs included on each Voyager craft that contain information about our planet and the human race. These discs are coated with Uranium and have a half-life of over 4 billion years! It’s amazing to think something containing valuable facts about Earth will be floating in deep space for what could be billions of years, and still function.

Voyager 1 is currently outside our solar system and passing through the sheath that separates us from the rest of the galaxy. It’s moving at 38,400 mph but still won’t pass by our nearest star for roughly another 40,000 years. This in itself is an extraordinary fact, and begins to make us realize how tiny our little home really is.

Perhaps the most magnificent and inspirational realization to come out of the program is the remarkable “Pale Blue Dot”: In 1990 as Voyager 1 left our solar system, this photograph was taken from a distance of roughly 4 billion miles from Earth. At first glance, this picture looks uninteresting and boring, except for several streams of light (emitted from our own Sun) across the frame. But as you look closer, you’ll see a tiny, faint bluish dot almost directly in the middle of the brightest beam of light. It’s so small (less than a pixel) you might think it to be a photo error. But this is no glitch: That nearly invisible dot is actually Earth.

The first time I saw this photo, I stared at it for about an hour. For someone who tends to be easily distracted, this was astounding. There was nothing obviously interesting about the photo; no bright colors, no artistic elements… nothing. But in all that nothing was a huge something!

Earth is barely visible inside the beam of light, and no other stars can be seen sparkling. Our home is floating in an immense nothingness, totally vulnerable. Despite this, everything we know as human beings and all the accomplishments we’ve made as a race has happened and continues to happen here. Life is always moving, but from so far away there’s no trace of it, no evidence anything has ever happened. All events on this planet, good or bad, cannot begin to touch the rest of the Universe.

This is incredibly humbling. It makes you realize how important it is to do your part for the planet, to treat each other with love and respect, and always remember how special and miraculous our home (and everything on it) really is. Carl Sagan described the appearance of Earth in the ray of light as accidental. As much as I love Carl Sagan’s insights into the Universe, I disagree with his opinion.

Voyager 1 was programmed to shift position in order to take the photo. The Sun was just outside the field of view, which resulted in the distinct beams of light across the photo. I believe there is a divine reason our home appears to reside in the brightest of these beams, as though we’re to be reminded of something we cannot fully comprehend, keeping us protected from the darkness. Photos of Uranus, Neptune and several other planets were also taken and the results were similar, but curiously, no other has visible strands of light. Some might call it coincidence. I choose to believe in Faith.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, confused or scared, I think about this photo, and the rest of the Universe around it which we cannot see. You’d think it would make me feel totally insignificant, but somehow it makes me feel stronger and gives my life more meaning. To me, this photo stands for what really matters: Something that is almost invisible means everything, holds so much joy and gives us what we need to live and thrive. Every particle, atom, and hair on your head is accounted for. So the next time you think nothing you do can make a difference, look at this photo. When evil acts and negativity seem to take over your life, look at this photo, and remember how pure, beautiful and untouched the Universe is. That’s something that cannot be taken away from you with human hands.

Almost twenty years later, “Pale Blue Dot” remains the most distant photograph of Earth. It was the last glimpse Voyager 1 ever got of its home. These spacecraft will never return to Earth, and who knows where they might travel? That’s another story…

More is More

2011-04-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

There are some things that work better in moderation. Too much makeup is almost never a good thing, especially the use of excessive lipstick, resulting in the dreaded kiss stain or even worse, clown comparisons. Large quantities of any food also lead to horrible things, and however much you may love that delectable dessert, it will come back to haunt you should you overindulge. Delicious wines that compliment the most exquisite dishes aren’t even good in excess, and can make fools of even the most refined person. Yes, there are some things we must maintain self-control with, and truly, less is more.

But then, there are the other things, the things that I love to love, and love to flaunt and talk about. I love roads that go on forever along the coast and let me watch sunsets that seem to never end, and if my car magically filled itself with gas I would continue driving for as long as possible (or at least until a bathroom break was necessary). I also love music that mirrors the grandness and wide expanse of sky during those drives, and I really think that it’s not possible for music to be too busy. Some people love simple songs, songs that consist of soft piano and gentle rhythms with shy vocals and sweet sentiments. I’m more dramatic, and demand songs that command your attention.

Throw in more cymbals, fun beats, syncopated synths and rich chords: I am so there. Songs that build to a great climax are awesome, but songs that maintain a climactic feeling throughout are heaven. Those are the dangerous ones, the songs that make me violently happy, as Bjork would say. If you know that song by Bjork, you know what I mean. If you don’t know it, it refers to being so insanely enthused and energetic you’re doing things way out of character. Dangerous things like speeding constantly, jumping off roofs for the fun of it and getting too drunk. I have never personally reached that point, but there have been times I’ve been so into what I’m listening to, I lose track of where I am or what I’m doing.

I also do not believe it’s possible to love too much, unless you consider the person who loves someone that simply cannot love them back. In those situations, pain often follows. But if love is reciprocated, a lot of love is great, and close to perfection. There’s a reason most songs deal with love on some level: It’s everywhere, we want it, all the time. We are insatiable when it comes to love, regardless of how tough or strong we try or pretend to be.

So have some more. Get outside a little more, and take a walk. Appreciate more. Notice more. Love yourself more! Listen to the music you really love on headphones more, with the lights out and the volume cranked up. And sometimes, every so often, eat one more piece of cake.

100 Best Songs Ever (60-69)

2011-03-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

In this next chunk, I'm all over the decade map!

69.    Show Me Love / Robyn Is Here / Robyn / 1996
The best memories I have of this song are singing it with my girlfriends in the school lunchroom (and I think we sang the lyrics wrong). It’s an inspiring love track, simple and effective. Robyn’s voice is distinctive and gives this a great edge. The bridge is the centerpiece, in which Robyn finally confesses how much she really loves her interest. This has the typical 90s stamp on it, but I continue to enjoy it to this day. It defined my life back then, obsessive crushes and a desperate longing to understand relationships better.

68.    Nothing Compares 2 U / I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got / Sinead O’Connor / 1990
Originally written by Prince, Sinead took this song and made it a major hit. It’s so romantic but just oozes sadness. There isn’t much to this arrangement, except some stunning strings, basic drums and Sinead’s magnificent vocals, but it needs nothing more. The video is awesome too, and Sinead looks flawless in it. It’s heartbreaking and seems to only intensify sadness. If you need to cry, listen to this.

67.    Break My Stride / I Don’t Speak the Language / Matthew Wilder / 1983
Hearing this song instantly takes me back to my childhood. I used to sing the chorus loudly around the house. A huge one-hit wonder, Matthew’s career as a performer never took off, but he remained in the music business and even produced No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom (betcha didn’t know)! This was and is fabulously odd and quirky, with peppy music and lyrics that don’t make much sense, but it’s a song I continue to love and always crank up.

66.    Only One Too (Pull Club Mix) / Only One Too / Jewel / 2006
Like Bjork, I’ve included many Jewel songs on my list. This one is loved by dance and rock lovers alike. It’s much slower than your typical club mix and has an extremely futuristic quality. The drums fade in and out with spooky echoes left in their wake. The bass pulses like something you might expect to hear from an alien ship. Something about this is really addicting and likable. The chorus commands your attention.

65.    Human / Day & Age / The Killers / 2008
Yes, I jumped on this bandwagon, but how could I not? My Mom sent me a link to this song, saying I’d love it, and she was absolutely right. What do the lyrics mean? Who cares, what great music! This is the kind of song almost anyone could love because it gets into you and goes deeper than just your ears. It gets into your soul and by the time the chorus begins for the final time, you’re ready to dance forever. This sounds like it has no boundaries, and could travel forever along the horizon. I don’t know how else to explain it. It just soars.

64.    Love Me, Just Leave Me Alone / This Way / Jewel / 2001
Do not mess with Jewel! She’s got an edge and it shines like a blade in this song. Her voice sounds great and gritty. The metaphors used to describe people throughout the song are genius. I can just see Jewel sitting on a dirty old porch with a few musicians singing this song. I love the bridge where she really screams out the lyrics and the end where she whispers desperately is so chilling. This is so different than most of her songs and I love it.

63.    Forever In Blue Jeans / You Don’t Bring Me Flowers / Neil Diamond / 1979
Ok, I know: Why this song, right? Because it’s one of my get-happy songs! For a few weeks, I listened to this nonstop. I think I drove my husband slightly insane. Sure it’s a little silly, but I can’t help but smile. The musical conversations in this song are great, the synthesizers and Neil’s voice trading off. The sentiment is so endearing. If I’d been alive during this generation I would have had a huge crush on Neil: Actually I think I have a crush on him anyway!

62.    The Fear / It’s Not Me, It’s You / Lily Allen / 2009
I’d read about Lily Allen before, about her attitude, her quirkiness and the brutally honest way she speaks her mind. Thanks to Pandora, I discovered her brilliant music. This is the first song of hers I ever heard, and it hooked me instantly. Lily has such a way about her, a clever and catchy style that makes it easy to get into her music. Yes, there is profanity lightly sprinkled here (as it often is in her work), but the idea that we could lose ourselves completely to materialism is wonderfully captured and I can certainly identify with this. I just love the airy melodies and sparkling piano in the chorus.

61.    Unison / Vespertine / Bjork / 2001
I was appalled when this wasn’t included on Bjork’s Greatest Hits but I guess you can’t always get it right. It’s trippy, enlightening and peppy music box instrumentations make you feel like a child while still exuding elegance and sensuality: Who else can do that?! Everything in this song reaches a gigantic surge of purity and emotion toward the end. It makes you feel like peace really is possible. Go Bjork, go!

60.    Hidden Place / Vespertine / Bjork / 2001
Warm, rich and ethereal, this is one of my bubble bath lounging tracks. As the opener for Vespertine, it takes you into Bjork’s private world of internal head-beats and intimate thoughts. It’s totally timeless, and has an almost ancient quality. It seems as though this song crept up from the depths of some old world somewhere. Bjork is a master of song escape, and demonstrates it here with perfection. The throbbing beats and lush voices transcend reality. This is awesomeness amplified!

The Different

2011-03-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I was so weird. To this day I hope I wasn’t the only one that felt terribly out of place most of her childhood. Middle school was particularly disturbing. I was one of the first kids to have a growth spurt and with it came pimples, greasy hair and a more womanly body, which I had no idea what to do with for a while.

Somewhere in the middle of that mess, I embraced my quirkiness and flaunted it, sometimes too much. One of the popular boys made fun of my clothes, so the next day I purposely wore something even louder and threw it right back in his face. I gravitated toward the Spice Girls because I loved their attitudes, the confidence they exuded and the cheek they gave everyone. I felt powerful adopting the same concepts. If it weren’t for those ladies I don’t know what I would have done to deal with my own awkwardness. I was such a wannabe in high school everyone wished me luck on becoming the next Spice Girl. I already had the platform sneakers and pigtails, every Spicy imported CD single in my collection and bellybutton-baring shirts in my closet, which I’m sure my Mom worried about. I decided to create my own girl group and planned tryouts, but it all fizzled and my dream drifted away quickly much to my dismay, just like the Spice Girls themselves.

Despite the rise and fall of Girl Power, I retain my sass and showcase it intentionally on a regular basis. Some things change you inevitably, and my obsession certainly did. It helped me find my place amongst the jocks and preps and popular girls and band geeks and orchestra freaks and allowed me to survive a bit easier for a while.

I used to think that age would bring balance and the segregation and cliques would magically disappear because mature people have no need for such nonsense. What I didn’t realize was the need to be accepted, liked, adored and respected doesn’t diminish, and in some ways intensifies as we get older. I thought I’d fit in easier, which I was also wrong about. I still stick out like a sore thumb in some crowds and it’s terribly apparent when I’m totally out of my element.

There is one thing I’ve learned, and it’s that attitude has everything to do with fitting in. It’s the difference between approaching the unknown as a pessimist or an optimist, dreading the dark or running into it head-on, totally ready to take whatever it throws at you. I have to remind myself every day to think like an optimist, to not be afraid, to throw myself, my real self, toward everyone with gusto and enthusiasm and confidence and perkiness.

When it comes to everyone else, I have fond memories of those jocks and preps and many others regardless of how they were labeled. Plenty of us had no idea we fell into a certain social category. I certainly didn’t think of myself as a dorky band/orchestra/choir girl, but I’m sure lots of kids thought that’s what I was. Who made those lists anyway?

So here’s to the former cheerleaders and honor society kids, people who were so quiet they were never labeled, so smart they were made fun of and so cute they could do no wrong. To the others who feel like they still don’t fit in, like me, here’s to being different. It’s all good. It makes us the same.

100 Best Songs Ever (70-79)

2011-03-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

Continuing my Best Songs Ever, you'll see I was on a Yanni kick...

79.    Teenage Dream / Teenage Dream / Katy Perry / 2010
I don’t remember when I started liking Katy, but I do remember hearing this and really enjoying it immediately. It isn’t very complicated, it doesn’t have a ton of substance and it’s something most middle school kids understand completely, but despite its young appeal, or maybe because of it, I’ve fallen in love with it. I think we all want to hang on to our youth, and this song simply exudes that feeling of careless and passionate young love. Throw caution to the wind and let your guard down!

78.    The End of August / In My Time / Yanni / 1993
Happy tears in a song: That’s how I describe this. I’ve loved it since I heard it years ago. Even as a teen I loved it so much I taught myself how to play the violin melody. It’s a difficult song to play, actually. But it flows effortlessly and makes for a very romantic listen. I like to think of this as a complete and content ending to something. The piano twinkles against the violin, and there’s a perfect musical conversation between the two. Just gorgeous!

77.    Chasing Shadows / Chameleon Days / Yanni / 1988
This is my favorite track from Chameleon Days. Another song that doesn’t quit from start to finish, this gives me a feeling of driving along the coast on a warm summer evening as the sun sets, lots of palm trees blowing in the breeze. Yeah, it’s repetitive, but that makes it better: You can’t go wrong with a great arrangement, so why not repeat it? This has a very tropical flavor, and Yanni utilizes his favorite effect (the pitch-bend) throughout.

76.    Point of Origin / Out of Silence / Yanni / 1987
When I hear this, I imagine fighting in a battle of epic proportions, and firing the final shot to seal the deal. The title of this song really makes sense: The track builds and builds until it explodes during the climax. It’s easy to describe a movie as packed with action, but in this case fits perfectly with this song too. This is like infinite intensity.

75.    Looking Glass / Keys to Imagination / Yanni / 1986
Yanni is not just about hitting a note and holding it for an hour, and this proves it. Sure, it opens with melodic echoes and a dreamy dulcimer-like instrument, but patience pays off as the uplifting synths sweep in just after the first minute. After another stretch of flying-like chords, the percussion and driving electronics really take off. There are quiet arpeggios that continue throughout the whole song, complimenting the dominant melodies. This is a really ethnic track, totally timeless in its appeal.

74.    Meet Me in the Red Room / Moulin Rouge! / Amiel / 2002
When I heard the snippet of playful brass from this song in the film, I wondered what it was. I had no idea what the name of the song was, or who wrote it. The music sounds like something from the 1940s, but the lyrics are especially intriguing and sensual. When I read this song title on the back of the films second soundtrack disc, I knew I had it in my hands. It’s a very silly and sexy song, with lots of innuendos, cooing and sighing: One of my guilty pleasures.

73.    El Tango de Roxanne / Moulin Rouge! / Various Artists / 2001
This is such a showstopper! Every performance is emotional and intense. The tango flavor combined with the classic composition from The Police is an unlikely pairing, but you’d never guess it would have turned out like this. It sounds like an entirely new piece of work. If you’ve seen the film, you know how dark and dangerous the movie is by the time this song plays. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you’ll get a good sense of the obsession this represents. The violin soloist did a superb job! I only wish the spoken intro was included in the album version.

72.    Weak / It’s About Time / SWV / 1992
I heard this in the salon the other day, and it reminded me what a wonderful song this is. It hit number one in the US and helped nudge the R&B/pop movement into the mainstream. The vocal arrangement is so dynamic and unique, but still extremely easy to sing, which is a rare combination. The harmonies are tight, effective and emotional. Without a lot of instrumentation, it relies heavily on the vocals, and the girls don’t disappoint.

71.    All The Things She Said (Dave Aude Extension 119 Club Edit) / All The Things She Said / t.A.T.u. / 2002
Say what you will about these girls, but you can’t deny the impact this had on pop culture. The original track is brilliant, but of course I prefer track mixes, and this one is absolutely gorgeous. It speeds right in and doesn’t stop. The energy is contagious and makes you want to put the pedal to the medal. It takes you high and low simultaneously.

70.    Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) / I Am… Sasha Fierce / Beyonce / 2008
Long after the hype surrounding this died down, I finally discovered it. Fashionably late! I love this song (just like many other people do). It’s totally innovative. I usually don’t enjoy things without a lot of melody but this is an exception. The video certainly has a lot of spice too! Beyonce really nailed the delivery. She’s an extraordinary vocalist and totally shines here. I’ve never heard a drumbeat quite like the one in this song.

Every Little Detail

2011-03-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

What should be easy is difficult for me. I’m that girl that couldn’t keep a written summary under 200 words in school because the details were so important. I was happy when the teacher set a minimum of 500 words, and probably the only kid in class who rejoiced about it. I could spell long words with ease and struggled with short ones. And to this day, I talk too much, divulge too much when I get on a role and then get embarrassed on the spot when I realize no one really needed to know that.

It’s not that I’m sharing truly embarrassing information, but every little detail isn’t usually crucial to the conversation, and I can tell when people get impatient with my stories. I can see it all over their faces: ‘Just get to the point already’! Yes, I guess I was born to babble.

Twitter is a learning experience for me. The challenge of writing memorable and meaningful blurbs 140 characters or less is a constant puzzle. I do much better when I can elaborate, which I why I started the Notes on Facebook. That wasn’t enough either, so I made this blog. I had to express more than words. I had to express image and mood.

Being detail-oriented has its charms, but can sometimes be exhausting. With details come analysis, and anyone who knows me well knows I’m super-analytical. Someone talks to me and the words are nice, but the tone is negative: What does that mean? What happened? Was it me? What did I do wrong? You get the picture. I love the idea of the butterfly effect, and believe within reason it must be true.

Someone recently told me I’m very regimented. I’d never thought about it, but I suppose I can’t argue. There are things I do on the fly, but many of my days consist of routines that stick, or habits that I won’t let die. My attention to detail is somewhat innate, but I make an effort to notice as much as I can, whenever I can. It’s the fear of missing out on something that drives me so much. I want to know things. Deep down, I want to learn it all, which is impossible, but I still try.

More than that, I want to experience life to the fullest, to step outside and see the sunset, stretch my arms and take in the warmth, smell the flowers, and feel the wind on my face. And I want to share that experience, so everyone else can know that moment of happiness and find it themselves. I’ve made it a habit to notice the details, and it’s compulsory to share them.

100 Best Songs Ever (80-89)

2011-03-08T17:10:00.000-08:00

Continuing my Best Songs Ever... (see my previous post for details about my list, how I decided on these songs, etc.)

80.    You Want This / Janet / Janet Jackson / 1993
Using several classic song samples, Janet created the perfect late summer track. It’s fun, sexy and bold without being over the top. The beat pops and Janet’s delivery is perfectly confident. I’m convinced this song is meant for nothing more than dancing and having a good time, and that’s not a bad thing!

81.    Someone To Call My Lover / All For You / Janet Jackson / 2001
Take a brilliant guitar riff from America’s “Ventura Highway,” add some contemporary beats and lush melodies along with Janet’s coy vocals and you have an entirely new and memorable song. Some people attacked her for using such a distinct song sample, but I love it! I enjoy when artists use familiar sounds as inspiration. Janet took a step to the side, leaving overtly sexual tones out of the mix, instead choosing to focus on sweet and romantic notions. It’s a magical musical experience.

82.    Thriller / Thriller / Michael Jackson / 1982
There’s not much to say about this song that hasn’t already been said! Even if you despised Michael Jackson, I think most everyone liked something about this song, whether it was the danceable beat, Vincent Price’s spooky spoken outro, Michael’s superb vocal delivery or the dance moves that took the world by storm. This song continues to stand the test of time. Need I say more?

83.    Africa / Toto IV / Toto / 1982
This song was released when I was born, so is it any wonder I’d come to love it? It’s totally innovative! What I really love is the thought and time they took to create this song, experimenting with all kinds of unique instruments and percussion pieces. It was a mess that morphed into a perfect arrangement of ethnic and electronic.

84.    On My Way Home / The Memory of Trees / Enya / 1995
Another magical track from Enya, she brought all the serene and ethereal elements she could. The opening lyric of being given ‘one moment from Heaven’ is truly divine. This whole song sounds like something a chorus of angels might sing just for fun. There’s a little Asian flavor here, mixed with familiar muted arpeggios. I could listen to this song for hours on end.

85.    Bad Romance / The Fame Monster / Lady Gaga / 2009
You either love her or hate her, but you can’t deny the mark Lady Gaga has left on pop music. The video for this song is what ultimately influenced me to include this track, but the song itself is genius. It’s so twisted and gross you can’t help but be intrigued! Lady Gaga’s idea to incorporate Hitchcock references works beautifully with the pounding instrumentation and bombastic drumbeat. Whether you want to dance on the floor or shout out a track in the car, this is perfect. I actually prefer the video version with the handclaps incorporated into the ending vocals.

86.    So Happy I Could Die / The Fame Monster / Lady Gaga / 2009
This might be my favorite Lady Gaga song. From the otherworldly opening to the sudden ending, I love the lush synthesizers and minimal percussion. The chorus is particularly gorgeous with the vocals shimmering and cascading through the euphoric chords. This is one of the few tracks Lady Gaga sounds restrained on, almost as if she’s singing to herself. I’ve contemplated the meaning of this song many times and have come to the conclusion it has something to do with maintaining self control in a chaotic environment. If I’m right, I know exactly what she’s talking about: You hold onto yourself to keep from totally losing it. Even too much happiness can’t be a good thing.

87.    Take My Hand / No Angel / Dido / 1999
Before I watched Dido’s live Brixton Academy performance, I had no idea this song is about sex. Dido says she wrote this song to reel guys in, and despite the blunt comment, this is incredibly tender and romantic. I love the lyrics, even if they’re obvious requests for intimacy. The music is dreamy with lots of intention. The instrumental break during the bridge is carefully composed of triplet melodies and syncopated hand drums. It’s very different than most of Dido’s work and screams passion. It’s both soothing and empowering.

88.    I Will Love Again / Lara Fabian / Lara Fabian / 2000
At first listen, this sounds very much like many generic pop songs. But Lara is no slouch in the vocals department and delivers a flawless performance. It’s an uplifting track that effortlessly enlightens and empowers. This was Lara’s one shining moment in the United States and it’s a shame her popularity never took off. She really is a rarity in the music world, and this song highlights her incredible range.

89.    Everything I Do (I Do It for You) / Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Motion Picture Soundtrack) / 1991
Ok, I know what you’re thinking, but you can’t deny how romantic this song is. There’s a reason it consistently tops best of lists and sat at the top of charts around the world for weeks. Everything fits together perfectly: The piano intro, Brian’s heart wrenching vocals, the electric guitar solo: There’s no doubt this song moves most people in a deeply profound way. It’s so simple but so pure, and really hits that gooey make-you-melt spot. The production is spot-on.

100 Best Songs Ever (90-100)

2011-03-03T19:01:00.000-08:00

After reading dozens of lists from magazines, critics and everyday fans, I decided to compile my own list of the 100 Best Songs Ever. I love critiquing music. I’m an avid fan of almost all music, but since I’m partial to electronic and ambient sounds with rich chords and intense melodies, there will be many sweepingly epic songs included. You will definitely notice a trend in genres.

I must confess there are many great songs I’ve never heard, and since I’m admittedly biased, you might ask yourself, ‘where in the world is that song? How could she not include that?’ But this is not meant to be a neutral list. I picked these songs because they speak to me on a deeper level, move me emotionally or just make me want to scream and shout. Others represent crucial moments in my life that continue to take me back. Many of these songs are extraordinarily sensual: They enlighten and stir the soul. Some of them are quite sexy as well. I love songs that take you somewhere and make you feel like you’re flying while watching the most beautiful colors and sparkles fly by. Some songs make me feel like I can run forever, and others put a joy in my heart so intense I feel like I could just burst with positive energy.

My favorite song continues to change on almost a daily basis, so there is no rhyme or reason to the order. I simply wrote them down as I thought of them. Many decades are present, with the early 2000s most prominent. Please note, there are hundreds more songs that I love, but these are the cream of my crop.

I made this list because people curiously ask me about my opinion from time to time, and I'm just anxious to share some of what I think is some of the best music on the planet. It's a long list, so I'm sharing it in chunks, going backwards from 100.

90.    In the House of Stone and Light / In the House of Stone and Light / Martin Page / 1994
For a brief moment, Martin Page took over the airwaves with this funky, spiritual track. It opens with ethnic flutes and what sounds like singing birds before the rest of the modern percussion fades in. Many of the chords are out of the ordinary, which I love. You don’t know what to expect next. Martin’s voice is very distinctive, and still sounds like nobody else’s. I hadn’t listened to this for years but then decided to buy the album on a whim. I’d forgotten how much I love it! This is a sweet and poppy uplifting treat.

91.    Somnambulist (Simply Being Loved) / Emotional Technology / BT / 2003
Even though it’s not well known, this song is significant: I believe it still stands as the song with the most digital edits ever (6,178). BT joked that his hand still hurts from this song. It’s great because it’s not structured in your typical verse-chorus-verse formula: It kind of bounces all over the place, but there is a prominent chorus that makes appearances often. The end of the track is magnificent, with the entire song playing in quick snippets backwards. If you’re even remotely ADD, you will love this. If you prefer soothing numbers, you can still appreciate the technical brilliance. BT can produce my music any day!

92.    Life in Technicolor / Viva la Vida / Coldplay / 2008
Coldplay took a leap of faith and literally changed their tune when they released this album. Barely holding on to their familiar sound, they came crashing in with circling arpeggios and airy chords. This song is magical. It reaches you on a spiritual level. Even without lyrics it’s just awesome. I love that the album opens and closes with this same melody (“The Escapist”). This seems to enhance your senses, making everything brighter, clearer and happier. The dulcimer is fabulous! What a wonderful, worldly sound.

93.    Strangers / Come Here / Cass Fox / 2006
I discovered this track on Faithless’ MySpace page. What a find! I’d never heard of Cass before. After exploring her website I decided to buy her debut album. This track continues to stand out amongst the rest. It’s very soft, sensitive, but powerful. Cass’ vocal approach is wonderful, and she sounds whimsical and angelic. The string arrangement is bliss!

94.    Save Me / Come Here / Cass Fox / 2006
This is my other favorite track from Cass’ debut. It’s got a bluesy touch sparkled with electronic twinkles. It immediately picks me up and makes my day better. I can’t listen to this and not sing it: It’s very appealing and friendly. Cass executes the vocals very well, and sounds at home among the shuffling drumbeats. The bridge is warm and relaxing with its bright piano and improvised vocals.

95.    The Scientist / A Rush of Blood to the Head / Coldplay / 2002
Coldplay has many fantastic piano ballads, but I love this one more than the others. It’s extremely heartbreaking (especially the video), but something about it is refreshing and uplifting. The lyrics are beautifully written and Chris Martin’s delivery is fantastic. I often tear up when I listen to this: There’s a huge rush of emotions that can’t really be stopped. As sad as this is, I’d love to be absolutely certain someone feels this way about me. ‘You don’t know how lovely you are’: Gosh, that’s brilliant!

96.    Just Another Day / Jon Secada / Jon Secada / 1992
Jon has since vanished into the realm of once-chart-topping singers, but in the early 90s he was one of radios most played artists, and this song was the fire starter. My mom liked this first and then turned me on to it. I borrowed the album from her (for a couple years) and enjoyed every song, but this one always stood out. The opening drum rhythms get you bobbing your head and then Jon’s tender vocals start. His voice is just extraordinary, and soars over the music.

97.    Closer / Uppers & Downers / Fisher / 2002
I heard Fisher’s remake of “L.O.V.E.” during the credits of How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, and had to find the song for myself. It took me weeks, but I finally discovered this album and snatched it. Little did I know I’d fall in love with this song. It starts out angelic, creeping in with rich chords and Kathy Fisher’s mysterious, deep voice. I love her lower range: It’s so rich and different. This is one of those seductive and sexy songs that put you in a trance.

98.    Clocks / A Rush of Blood to the Head / Coldplay / 2002
This was my very first addiction to Coldplay. I discovered it when the band played on Jay Leno. For a couple weeks, I wouldn’t listen to anything else. The piano arrangement is like a little tangible star from the sky. When a song can’t get any better, it gets inside you. This is the perfect example. I still haven’t figured out exactly what this song is about, but it doesn’t matter: It’s the melody that moves me, not the lyrics. Chris Martin’s sensitive falsetto sits comfortably among the magical instrumentations. Other great songs have come from Coldplay since then, but in a way, nothing tops this.

99.    Angel / Jon Secada / Jon Secada / 1992
My sister and I used to make fun of Jon’s abrupt vocal attack at the beginning of this song. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to appreciate the urgency. It’s much better than lazily singing the intro. You get the sense Jon’s really trying to make a point. It’s extremely easy to listen to him sing. The chorus is beautifully executed, and I love that the song has no percussion.

100.    In My Place / A Rush of Blood to the Head / Coldplay / 2002
This ranks right up there with “Clocks”. It’s intense and powerfully unsure. The strings are lush and beautiful and the guitar riff makes a great statement. This song is really unique, totally unpredictable in melody with introspective lyrics and rich with harmonies. Like an awesome classical track, it has crescendos and builds toward the end. It’s very fun to sing: When I sing along I tend to sing my own harmonies. The production is flawless and it’s just the right length: It concludes nicely.

Hope at Shawshank

2011-02-28T17:13:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long time, my mind is dwelling on a movie. The other night, after Ken and I got home from a successful shopping excursion, we sat on the couch and came across The Shawshank Redemption on television. I’d never seen the whole thing (what rock have I been under?) but I hate coming into movies halfway through, so I didn’t pay much attention. Then, as the movie began its climax, I suddenly felt compelled to watch.

Thankfully, the movie was on the same channel the very next night. I had to watch the whole thing. My first journey through the film in its entirety led me to two conclusions: One being that we should always consider the bigger picture and two being that retaining hope is most certainly a choice. I’ve always thought those to be true, but this film reaffirms my beliefs and makes me want to try harder. Sure, it’s just a movie, and they’re just actors portraying characters. But this is so good it makes me want to be like that, to be self-assured and quietly confident and to really truly believe that no one else can touch the deepest part of my being. Deep down I suppose I’m more like Morgan Freeman’s character Red, a little disenchanted, but in the end willing to open my mind to better possibilities. And I’m certainly not the type to ever be quietly confident. Loudly or goofily confident would be a better description.

I’d read a synopsis about the movie before and vaguely remembered how it ended, but I’d forgotten the details. To see it in action on screen was riveting. At first glance, it’s a gritty and intense prison film with brutal beatings and incredibly lonely men. But beyond that, it’s a hopeful and emotional picture. I read many reviews and most people say the same thing: This film touches the soul and leaves the viewer with a more hopeful outlook. By the time it’s finished, it makes you feel better about life. You can restart it no matter what you’ve been through.

It’s just a story and from what I understand there’s no truth behind it, but it’s so beautifully and realistically portrayed you have to believe it’s actually possible. Just thinking about the mental and emotional capacity it would take to have the hope portrayed by Tim Robbins’ character Andy boggles my mind and just thinking about what he accomplished and how long it took inspires me. It makes you feel like it’s never too late to do something, and makes me realize that there is time left to accomplish my dreams. Even if you pick at them little by little, over time, something grand may come from them.

The best realization is that nothing need be without purpose. One person can make a difference for many, however vain his initial efforts might seem. Perseverance in the face of certain darkness can win. So with inner sunshine poised and a smile on my face, I’m armed and ready. It’s time to make that choice: Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.

The Moment

2011-02-23T17:26:00.001-08:00

Here I am feeling a new version of myself unfolding! It feels like it's sneaked up on me, been poking me in the back for a while, and now I've finally noticed it. I've been reading books (which is totally out of character for me) and been insanely inspired by them. Maybe it's the books, or my new marriage, or the changes that happen on a daily basis. But here is my own little note of newness, mostly written for myself, but also for whoever might get a kick out of my realizations.

I am a big fan of The Moment. I’ve been waiting for it forever. I’ve been hoping and waiting for this magical moment to come along, completely redefine my life and make things exactly as I think they should be. I can see that woman that I think I should become. I can just imagine the life my husband and I will have if everything goes as planned.

And yet it dawned on me again, like it does nearly every day: Life almost never goes as planned, and what you think you need isn’t usually right. I will tell almost anyone how many times it seems my life has gone off course, only to remember that I’m where I am today because of those alternate routes.

We can map out our lives, and we all try to do it a little every day. We set routines, we get up, we get our coffee, we go to work, we visit with friends, and we come home. We’re controlling our lives, right?

What about those little things that happen throughout our scheduled days? What about those sparkling moments that glisten in our eyes so quickly we don’t even see them? What if they had a say?

They certainly do make a difference; we just don’t notice it until way later when our lives have turned into something we never dreamed of. I use that phrase neutrally, because sometimes, our lives are not something we’re proud of. Sometimes we wish we had different jobs, lived somewhere else or acted differently. We hope and pray for something to come along to change us.

But those little sparkling moments are already hard at work, every day, changing us and forming us into beings even more beautiful than we’ve always been. This is The Moment. And it’s passing by every day without being grasped. Life is just waiting for us to take it, just waiting for us to jump up and down enthusiastically. All this time, The Moment was right in front of my face!

I keep dreaming of my life a year (or five years) from now, when everything is in its place, my career is flourishing and money is no longer an issue. I keep thinking of the perfection I’ll be surrounded by when that life arrives. And I fail to see the beauty and wonder of life already existing around me. This is my life, and this is my moment!

I am reading a book called Cold Tangerines. In it, the author, Shauna Niequist, speaks frankly about her life’s journey, how she failed to see the happiness in front of her and what life is like now that she’s refused to let negativity get the best of her. It’s hard to put down. I’m a few dozen pages in, and I swear, parts of this book read like my own autobiography. It’s funny how similar we all are in that respect. We’re all searching for the big thing that’s going to make our lives suddenly pop into something grand.

What I’ve always known and realize even more as I read this book, is how subtle the events are that truly define us. They are sometimes never noticed at the time, and only in hindsight will you sit back and suddenly think, ‘wow’.

Here is a perfect example: I can trace my relationship with my husband back to a guy I dated years ago. How is that possible? How could several failed relationships lead to something so awesome? The answer lies in instant messaging. I met a guy in a chat room way before it was bad news to meet in internet chat rooms. Before our relationship ended he introduced me to online gaming (Everquest), which I fell in love with. After we broke up, I later met another guy on Everquest. Our long distance relationship surged and fizzled, but his sister, whom I developed a friendship with, lived in Seattle. Shortly after that breakup, there was a spark inside me, something pushing me to get out and make my own life somewhere far away from Denver. I decided I’d move to Seattle. At the time, I thought it was a good place for a fresh start, but deep down, I’m sure I thought if I lived close to my ex-boyfriend’s sister, I might see him again. You might have already guessed the rest of the story: I never saw or got back together with the Everquest guy, but I met my future husband while working a temp job in Seattle. The rest is history. A happy, giddy, sometimes hard-to-believe history.

So there it is: One fleeting moment, a random urge to go into a chat room, and years later, I’m married to my husband. It’s funny how brilliant the whole thing is. Behind all the tears of breakups, bad tastes of romance left in my mouth and broken promises, I got the man I love and my best friend rolled into one.

If I really thought about it, I could probably list hundreds of little moments just like this, little pearls of brilliance that came along unexpectedly and took me for a ride. These are the gems that changed me and made me who I am today.